Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

[Roland Deschain]

Over a year ago there was a thread, or a topic within a thread, that contemplated giving Doctorates in Pastafarian Theology. This never really got off the ground, but I thought it was a really cool idea. So, failing anything official, I thought it would be cool to do this for fun. Who knows what will come of it, as there are plenty of talented members on this board who I know will be able to contribute some excellently well-thought out ideas for it.

I wanted to start this thread only when I had mine written out and ready to post, but i'm so busy with other real-life stuff to write that I haven't had the time. Therefore I am starting this thread now in the hope that eventually some of the community will write their own thesis for their Doctorate in Pastafarian Theology. The theses can be either posted directly into this thread, or you can place a link to them; whichever way is easiest. As a reward for this, I am willing to make everyone who contributes to it a degree certificate they can print out and hang on their wall. Samples of these are below, although they are subject to change, depending on where His Noodly Appendages guide my hand.

Due to our flimsy moral standards, it also doesn't have to have any sound structure either, as long as it makes sense (in a Pastafarian way), but I have a few ground rules you can either follow or not:-

~ The thesis must be original.
~ The thesis can be on anything, but it must be FSM-related in some way.
~ Copy-pasta is not allowed unless siting references.
~ Anecdotal evidence is allowed.
~ Flowery prose is allowed, and even preferred (eg - It was a dark and stormy night).
~ Most importantly, have fun!

Here are the samples I made a while back. Obviously you get to choose what you get your Doctorate in, but if you want a different name signed, let me know. I'll be changing them all to be signed by "Flying Spaghetti Monster", as I don't know if Bobby would appreciate his official endorsement there, lol. Enjoy.

[gronank]

I'd like to produce a thesis too but I kind of lack a good topic ... and time

"Consequences of string theory to intelligent pushing" is one but I lack the theoretical background
"Proof of the nonexistence of the FSM as foundation of pastafarian faith" I think is doable but require some work

[pieces o'nine]

One doesn't know who this "Roland Deschain" person is, but one covets his gracious certificate on "How to Make a Really Nice Cup of Tea". If one were to have one's acquaintances of the Piratical persuasion pillage said document, could the name "Roland Deschain" be stricken out and "pieces o nine" be calligraphically inscribed in its place?




One could crib together some kind of "thesis" if absolutely necessary, based largely upon anecdotal evidence drawn from years -- nay, decades -- of making really nice cups of tea...

[Roland Deschain]

One doesn't know who this "Roland Deschain" person is, but one covets his gracious certificate on "How to Make a Really Nice Cup of Tea". If one were to have one's acquaintances of the Piratical persuasion pillage said document, could the name "Roland Deschain" be stricken out and "pieces o nine" be calligraphically inscribed in its place?

One could crib together some kind of "thesis" if absolutely necessary, based largely upon anecdotal evidence drawn from years -- nay, decades -- of making really nice cups of tea...

PoN, you are more than welcome to have one of them fancy dockermants if you would like one, although if you could eventually get a thesis up, that will at least make the document look more authentic than it already does and go a ways to legitimising your completely fake-unofficial PhD. I shall be sure to correctly capitalise your name as well. Don't want them Fauxers lookin' in an' criticisisising now, do we?

[pieces o'nine]

PoN, you are more than welcome to have one of them fancy dockermants if you would like one, although if you could eventually get a thesis up, that will at least make the document look more authentic than it already does and go a ways to legitimising your completely fake-unofficial PhD. I shall be sure to correctly capitalise your name as well. Don't want them Fauxers lookin' in an' criticisisising now, do we?

One is enchanted by the challenge and shall endeavor to not disappoint. Several time-sensitive matters are pressing one sharply in the world outside the system; however, their successful conclusion will allow one to research and copypa-[cough] author a completely original, scholarly document.

[black bart]

It would look awesome on me cabin wall Roland so:

It was a dark and stormy night, bla bla bla bla bla...

...and the Bosun's name was Higgs, bla bla bla bla...

...the shyppe's cat fell into the Fyshe Heade Stoo and bearing in mind thee nootrishnul value of the Stoo, we pondered to a man, whether or not the cat was still alive thus renderin thee idea that thee cat was both alive and dead...then we fished im out an he was most definitely as dead as a DoDo, bla bla bla...

how many pages do I have ta keep witterin on for till I have a viable thesis?

[Roland Deschain]

Normally i'd say at least 10,000 words for an acceptable thesis, but seeing as this is the best one so far, added to the fact that my moral standards have been made as flexible as His Noodly Appendage recently, your thesis is acceptable and there shall be one wending its way to you soon. All it really needs is a title. Is "Bart's Cat" acceptable, or would you prefer something more esoteric and intelligent-sounding? If you have a better suggestion, let me know.

[daftbeaker]

If you have a better suggestion, let me know.

Discussions on feline wavefunctions using the Copenhagen interpretation and their collapse on observation after immersion in piscine solutions

[black bart]

If you have a better suggestion, let me know.

Discussions on feline wavefunctions using the Copenhagen interpretation and their collapse on observation after immersion in piscine solutions

I'll ave that one!

[Roland Deschain]

^^ Now that be a very fine title for a doctorate. I'll definitely be using that for you Bart. Give me a couple of days and your certificate will be posted, digitally speaking (and PoN's).

[pieces o'nine]

How To Mayke a Fyne Cuppe of Tea
by dame pieces o'nine

Fulle oft haue thee people fretted that they knowe notte how to mayke a nice Cuppe of Tea, for it is truly sayed that such be thee Marke of Goode Breeding and Fyne Manners. To this matter haue I turned my thoughts, reeding olde bookes welle into thee nighte in seek of thee occult mysteries of Tea. Hauing burned many a candle in my studies, I bring this Doctoral Thesis for your edification.

First, ye muste gathere thee ingreedients:
Take ye one gallon of Springe Water, and bringe him to a spritely boile;
Take ye also one smalle hand-fulle of Blacke Tea of thee Earle Grey;
Take ye also Sugar Cubes, as much as shalle suit thee pallette;
Take ye also Milche;
Tayke ye also Fresche Lemmon Slyces;

Pore thee seething Water ouer thee Tea, steeping it for thee time its takes to saye one decade of thee Rosary -- one of thee Joyfulle Mysteries be beste. Pore thee Tea thru a strayner to remove thee exhausted leeves[1], into a nice Tea Potte, playced upon ye tray. Pore out thee Tea into thee Tea Cuppes, one for eache Gueste. Offer ye Guestes in turn thee Sugar Cubes with Silver Tongs, and thee Milche froma Silver Pitcher, and thee Fresche Lemmon Slyces upon a China Playte, that they may chuse one or two, but notte alle three, for that way liest Follie.

Sippe ye thee Tea with a minimum of slurping Noises, for this be a high-browe Occasion not suited to thee fowle manneres of Churles and Jackanaypes. Savor thee aroma of thee so-called Orange Pekoe Tea, and his infusement with thee volatile Oils of Bergamotte. Lette notte your Guestes come to blowes between Them ouer whether it be more Refined to tayke thee Milch or thee Lemmon. Looke ye welle to keeping thee Tea Cuppes fulle and thee Conversaytion Lighte and fulle welle Pleasante. Shoulde any Gueste bringe up thee Witte and Wisdom of thee Neocons, see that ye haue them escorted to thee Door forthwith that they do not Upsette thee other Guestes.

If you would haue your Guestes raue about your Hospsitallitie to theyre jeallous friendes, offer ye also Cuecumbert Sandwiches garnished with ye fresche Sprigges of Parslie; and Orange Scones with Butter; and Chocolate Brandy Cayke. Giue them smalle China Playtes and smalle Silver Forks and Spoones that they may notte mayke a mess of thee Table with theyre Fingers. Be sure to Counte back thee Silver Forks and Spoones as your Guestes leaue, that none maye inadvertantlie tayke them Home as a Partie Fauor.

In conclusion, this be all that you neede to Mayke a Fyne Cuppe of Tea.

Fin


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Foote Note
[1] And throwe them away into thee composte pyle.

[black bart]

Not bad fer a tea drinker. I remembers one RRR who loiked a drop o thee brown stuff an it brought im nothin but trouble...but each to his own.

[Roland Deschain]

Dame Pieces. That be an amazing thesis you have there. Thanks for taking the time to do it. I know you're busy, and it could have waited for a while until you were less busy, but you sacrificed your time for the advancement of Pastafarian knowledge. You are indeed a true innovator and deserving of what I have for you in this post...

Dame Pieces O' Nine for How to Mayke a Fyne Cuppe of Tea


Black Bart for Discussions on feline wavefunctions using the Copenhagen interpretation and their collapse on observation after immersion in piscine solutions


EDIT: If you would prefer one of the other styles as well, please let me know

[daftbeaker]

I humbly submit this for peer review.

I don't know about a PhD but you might be able to submit that to Radio 4

[Roland Deschain]

Roy. You amaze me with your true Pastafarian notion of scientific experimentation. Truly you do. That has been saved for posterity on my HDD along with PoN's thesis. Truly remarkable. Your certificate shall be wending its way to you as soon as you let me know which of the 4 designs you wish for me to use. It's gonna be a bugger to fit that title in, but there should be enough room

P.S. - I have something for you. It took me a while to do, but that thesis deserved it...

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