Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Mad Willyum Bonney
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby Mad Willyum Bonney » Thu Sep 06, 2012 2:37 am

Ravi Oli wrote:^ Yarrr pieces n' Willyum... yer know e's on weakend detenshun fer thart - hanimal crewelry or pubic hindecency or thee loike? Hunless it be sommat new?!

'E does thee Crocodile Hunter [may Thee FSM rest 'is sole] thing, jumpin on 'em frum 'is shippe and resselin them suggestivlely loike, ownly 'e wears a skimpy loincloth hinstead o'karkees. They 'as 'is pictcha up at awl thee Natshunal Parks bannin 'im enter!!


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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby anthrobabe » Thu Sep 06, 2012 6:59 pm

Whot be the latest news on who be the father of me 3rd ale wench Molly McHenry who runned off with DaveL's bosuns mate name of Flick-- me knows ole Flick lost his flick if ye gets me during tha last pirate 'ow many bands o rubber can ye fits on it challenge. Hit fell off. 'E canta be de fadder.
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black bart
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby black bart » Fri Sep 07, 2012 5:57 am

Fifty Shades of Lady Jane Grey Shocks Portsmouth

A new novella published by a retired member of Madame Fifi's staff has scandalised the Portsmouth Public and Press. Set in the 16th Century the novel (which I haven't even looked at, honest) apparently tells the seductive tale of life at the Royal Court. I managed to get a synopsis from the authoress herself who told me: "There are naughty bits in chapters 3 through to 12 and a very naughty bit quite near the end, but otherwise I have based the story on real events". I asked her if the Spanish Inquisition was involved but she said she wouldn't tell as it would spoil the surprise.

Madame Fifi is 93.
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pieces o'nine
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby pieces o'nine » Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:49 am

On thee Waterfront

Olde tymers tho't they scene hit awl, but Portsmouf never seizes t'hamaze. Thee hinflux ov pirates wiv moor sofistickated ways an darin fashun statements inishally caused quite a stir. But fings as settled back down arfter rumors ov a 'ogs'ead o'rum on thee cap'ns tabbe at thee pubbe 'as won over even thee moste suspishus locals.

But now thee local takeaways be servin sum newe craze: Redde Cowe McSammitches. Fish head stoo sales be plummetin, wiv one delingkwent yoof sayin, "Fish'ead Stoo be soooo last milleneeum yo." Worse, no one 'as seen hyde nor wigge ov Bart Hindustries since thee newecomers arrived, leadin t'wilde speculashuns ov fowl play, or even that "Black Bart" an "Oz Nick" be wun an thee sayme cos ye nevver sees'em in thee sayme place at thee sayme toime. Arrrgh hintrepid reporters be sparin no hexpense t'huncover thee story...
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby DaveL » Thu Apr 11, 2013 6:42 am

DaveL Plans to Invade England

In a disturbing development today, a slightly bedraggled castaway turned up in Portsmouth Harbour, screaming incoherently that DaveL and his scurvy bunch will be invading England in July 1714. 'YArrr, now Margaret Thatcher has left the building, there be now stoppin' him' he screamed!

The entire UK Dugong population will be relocating to Iceland in readiness for his impending visit.
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby Griffin » Mon Apr 22, 2013 1:42 am

If this far feched rumer be troo, the peeple o' Portsmowth 'ad better be gettin' owt the barrycades and start collectin' brikks and ovver 'efty throwin' items. As fer Madam FiFi, she'd be wise ter organise fer her stafff ter 'av 1714 off.
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby DaveL » Tue Apr 23, 2013 7:36 am

YArrr...

Tis true matey. Oi might 'ave to make a special detour to Portsmouth - for purely sight seein' reasons of course!
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pieces o'nine
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby pieces o'nine » Tue Jun 11, 2013 9:05 pm

Dogge Days of Springe Afflict Portsmouth

Thee dogge days of Springe have struck thee Northern Latitudes, and Portsmouth is a paragon of inactivity as a result. Mayor Keith Liversausage is allegedly planning a Spanish expedition just to keep thee lads busy and out of trouble. Bart Industires is getting ahead of thee curve, hinting at a tantalizing product line for expediting pirates, and promising to unveil thee new division within a week.
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby Ravi Oli » Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:50 pm

Whaaarr be thee soshul pages an' letters to thee Edita? 'As been wintery, wet an' windy down 'ere so bin stayin in port. Oi took thee wench ta thee theater ta see thee new play "Sea Trek - inta Darkness". Thee lads get inta a few foine stouches but theys wear sum funny poncy clothes. Thar shyppes downt looks loike theyd flowt less move as Oi didn't see any sayls. Oi downt know wot contynents they visit coz thars a few native troibes Oi've neva seen! Twas predicktable tale thart wuld 'ave been much betta an' more loively wiv sum 'alf nekkid wenches an' rowdy drinkin scenes. 3/5
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Ravi Oli
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Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian - Cort Report

Postby Ravi Oli » Thu Jun 13, 2013 9:14 am

Cap'n Roy was foined 10 dubloons and 'ad 'is pee-pee smacked wiv a cold spoon for hunsolysitted pinchin thee bums of Madame Fifi's girls. Wen arsked 'ow 'e pleaded, 'e 'ad sayd "Oi pleads insanity Milord... Oi'm crazy abowt 'em!"
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby Nef Yoo BlackBeard » Thu Jun 13, 2013 7:29 pm

Deer Erdifter,

Yer curry-spoon-dent misr Gravy Olly dint go ter sea o fillum abowt sea truck - thee owlee mowvie ee witchin wurr this wun

:nefyoobash: :nefyoobash: :nefyoobash: :nefyoobash: :nefyoobash:

Fank ye, ye welkum.

Dreedit pyrit capn Nef Yoo Bluckbeer (aij 3)
cabin boy fir hyer. jyint hat no hextra charj.

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pieces o'nine
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby pieces o'nine » Sun Jun 23, 2013 4:42 pm

In a prepared statement to thee press, Cap'n pieces o'nine's spokesfeline, Dom "thee Danger" Catte announced:

"Cap'n pieces o'nine and Mr Flynn, whilst remaining close friends, have pursued entirely separate business ventures since Mr. Flynn left thee Mad Moggies Revenge to become an hacktor.

"No questions.

"Thank you."
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens

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Ravi Oli
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby Ravi Oli » Mon Jun 24, 2013 5:43 pm

Aye tis well nown 'ow thee scowndrel tutched soft spot in yer 'eart an' otha places. Ye culdn't 'ide 'im b'neath yer skirts fereva.
Send lawyers, guns and money...

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black bart
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby black bart » Wed Jun 26, 2013 6:46 am

Arrr good ol Flynnn...he really knew owe ta get outta payin his bar tab.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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pieces o'nine
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Re: Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

Postby pieces o'nine » Thu Jun 27, 2013 3:49 am

Arrrgh, oi lernt from thee beste...
I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles "Darwin" Dickens


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