Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

[Griffin]

Comment is Free (fer onlee 30 cronan)

'ow did BB hever get thru parsport controll?

email supplied

[DavidH]

BART ON THEE RUN

From our Portsmouth correspondent R. Sole:

Two large fat men wearing baggy trousers and carrying scimitars were said to be wandering round Portsmouth last night, asking "Oh Effendi, where is the one they call Bart? I will give you gold."

[black bart]

Comment is Free (fer onlee 30 cronan)

'ow did BB hever get thru parsport controll?

email supplied

*Out of character for a minute*

It's so funny you should say that.

I have to say that I have been the benefit of incredible generosity from members of this discussion board and a heart felt thanks to you all. Griffin sent myself (and the Black Spot) a lovely lot of beer after out initiation ceremony at the Toadfish Monasatery. My family and I have been the guest of David H and wife and were wonderfully entertained and looked after in Herefordshire. Tigger sent me that beautiful 'Black Bart' coin a while ago. I also got a lovely pirate figure sent to me by one of the old members of the T.M. but I can't remember her name (it had a V in it).

Anyway, to get to the point...when I returned from holiday there was a card on the doormat saying a parcel had arrived and had been taken to the local Post Office. I turned up at the post office with my passport for identification and handed over the card. The lady behind the counter lifted up a very large parcel (about a foot and a half square) and looked at the address label...then she looked at my passport...

"You're not Bart", she said..."Oh yes I am", says I...hand reaching for my cutlass...

The parcel was addressed to Bart of course and I'm afraid that aint the name on me passport! She only believed me when I told her my correct post code...the cutlass slid back into the scabbard and she handed over the massive parcel.

When I got the parcel home and opened it I was quite literally staggered at the contents...it contained a gigantic metal tankard, a beautiful glass beer mug and a ton of sweets (and strangely, some dog biscuits)...

A million thanks to Mad Willlum Bonney.

[DavidH]

Harr! You ate dog biscuits when you stayed at our place ... you didn't know it, that's all!

[black bart]

Harr! You ate dog biscuits when you stayed at our place ... you didn't know it, that's all!

But you aint got a dog!

I shall post pictures of me Gyant tankard shortly.

[Ravi Oli]

Arrrr bart... arrre ye admittin yer open to a bit o' graft, corrupshun an' bribbery? Oi'll 'ave ta foind yer a toad with a bottle o' yer favrit drop... or maybe a roo scrotum purse?

[black bart]

Speakin wiv me hofishul Pyrate Moderhator Gyant hat on... As far as I be concerned, Mad Willium can post rude things when hever he loiks...an I will turn me eye patched eye...he wont get no banninashun from me. As long as it don't hinvolve Dugongs...I draws thee line at Dugong sex.

[DavidH]

But you aint got a dog!

That's why nobody ever suspects. Heh, heh.

[DaveL]

:lol: As long as it don't hinvolve Dugongs...I draws thee line at Dugong sex.

YArrrr...

I always thought they were mermaids. Now where's me spectacles?

[black bart]

Bart's Bar Tab breaks all records due to thee hintrodukshun of Gyant Tankards:



Landlord of Admiral Benbow quits.

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

[

A million thanks to Mad Willlum Bonney.

No fank yeez recryerd Barty , ye did solve thee riddil affer all.

( juss dont go rown braggin to Rollin )

[pieces o'nine]

I always thought they were mermaids. Now where's me spectacles?

DaveL Makes Spectacle of Self with Dugongs!
Film at 11...

[Ravi Oli]

^ Yarrr pieces n' Willyum... yer know e's on weakend detenshun fer thart - hanimal crewelry or pubic hindecency or thee loike? Hunless it be sommat new?!

'E does thee Crocodile Hunter [may Thee FSM rest 'is sole] thing, jumpin on 'em frum 'is shippe and resselin them suggestivlely loike, ownly 'e wears a skimpy loincloth hinstead o'karkees. They 'as 'is pictcha up at awl thee Natshunal Parks bannin 'im entery.

^^ bart ye'd be tanked arfter 'arf o' one o' them tankards!!

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Anyway, to get to the point...when I returned from holiday there was a card on the doormat saying a parcel had arrived and had been taken to the local Post Office. I turned up at the post office with my passport for identification and handed over the card. The lady behind the counter lifted up a very large parcel (about a foot and a half square) and looked at the address label...then she looked at my passport...

"You're not Bart", she said..."Oh yes I am", says I...hand reaching for my cutlass...

The parcel was addressed to Bart of course and I'm afraid that aint the name on me passport! She only believed me when I told her my correct post code...the cutlass slid back into the scabbard and she handed over the massive parcel.

A million thanks to Mad Willlum Bonney.

Bart .... tsk tsk ... ye haz yeer custifficates an yeer coyn ... an ye took wot wiff ye ?


Daff git ......

[black bart]

I forgot thee Black Bart coin which cleerlee dipikts me graven himage upon it!

On thee uvver hand I did manage to avoid bein arrested fer piracy.