Funny stuff found on the intrawebs ver. 2.0

[black bart]

I love my shed.

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

^

I wonder what Scientology will look like in 2000 years, if it's still around.

[notty words]If real life was like Youtube comments[/notty words]

A few hours ago i picked up a hand written letter , posted from their main office here , in me home town .
They stated that i had attended a class or two and asked if i , " ... , found what ( I ) was searching for " .

I never attended any courses/classes , all i did was accept a free copy of Dianetics , which i felt was written by some wack job . I found it unreadable and felt he ripped off " The Power Of Positive Thinking .
Furthermore , the letter writing dude ststed that this imaginary audit of mine occured " a couple of years ago .

No , i recieved the free book thirty one years ago and never wrote any back except , " return to sender , addresse has moved , no such person live here , etc etc etc .

They keep on sending junk mail relentlessly even after i had moved out of Dad's house , poor ole dad dealt with the constant flow for twenty years , at times junk would arrive up to three times a week . The mail was always the same , order forms for dumb ass books and silly boxes with some wires an diodes , obsurd stuff thought I .

Anyway , i was wondering how to respond to this one . I had not received anything from them in two years .
How should i respond ?
If my memory still serves me well , an advanced scientolgist should be " clear " , that is , free from the trapping of our emotions and all kinds of negative stuff like that and such and such . Also a clear should have excellent if not complete memory of their past .

I am so tempted to use his complete ignorance against him or write back that , yes i had found all i needed for my essay for english class about cults , and i got a great grade that saved me from repeating the course in summer school.
I am very happy that he wrote the letter with cheap ink and paper because my lady friend brought it into the house and promptly spilled coffee on it .
Bless her heart , that will be a nice touch to send that letter back with some wise ass response .

However a new avalanche of junk mail may come my way and it is extremely annoying .

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

Send him a few copies of those flyers that mormons leave in your mailbox when you're hiding behind the curtains. Then follow up with weekly requests for donations.

[daftbeaker]

They keep on sending junk mail relentlessly even after i had moved out of Dad's house , poor ole dad dealt with the constant flow for twenty years , at times junk would arrive up to three times a week . The mail was always the same , order forms for dumb ass books and silly boxes with some wires an diodes , obsurd stuff thought I .

Did they have the pre-paid envelopes to return the order forms? If so I've heard that (in the UK at least) the company is charged when they're returned, not when paid for and it's possible to stick the postage information to a brick. This is then posted and the company has to pay the postage cost when it arrives back with them.

It may just be an urban legend but it seems plausible

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

^ After dad sailed into the great hereafter i returned to care for mum . I became so annoyed with the junk and their repeated refusal to stop with the harassment . I started to put all their stuff in a big shoe box and sent it back to them without postage and no return address . In total i sent back almost fifty kilos , trash still kept coming , then i started thanking them for all the lovely correspondence and started sending odd bits of hardware and other useless heavy metal bits of broken stuff .
I wrote ," attention Mr. Revolta , here are some bits of hardware for the ship we need to visit Zenu or Alpha Seti V . " I also sent stuff for the attention of Mr. Crews .

*sigh* The f****** G***** D*******pricks are at me again !

Is there no escape other than death ! ?

[daftbeaker]

It may just be an urban legend but it seems plausible

In theory, yes. In practice, the Post Office won't take a reply-paid brick, and you can't cram it in a pillar box slot. Which begs the question: what is the most evil thing you can cram into a pillar box?

I wonder how much dog poo you could get into one of those padded A4 envelopes?

[DavidH]

Many years ago my landlady had had the gas disconnected, and they had left the meter in her shed. Plus they still kept sending her gas bills. No amount of letters or phone calls would stop the bills or persuade them to come and fetch their meter. They kept threatening to cut her gas off if she didn't pay up. In the end we went into town and dumped all the bills and the meter on the counter at the Gas Board showroom. That actually stopped the buggers.

[Almighty Doer of Stuff]

I keep getting credit card offers in the mail. I have no money. I have no income. It's entirely possible that I will never have income beyond small gifts of money for my birthday. What am I going to do with a credit card? They send them to me because I have excellent credit, apparently, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't want or need a credit card except for the one my mother gives me for groceries and important purchases for which she's alright with paying herself.

So I've taken to writing, on the application forms, the words "POO POO PEE PEE CUCKA DOO DOO" which probably has to be read and entered into a computer at the expense of the bank, and in addition to that form plus the original letter and the envelope they came in, I stuff in bits of plastic and napkins from around my kitchen.

My uncle claims to do really obnoxious things with business reply envelopes and junk mail. I don't know how much of it is true though. I recently received an unasked-for catalog from Land of Nod children's toy company, which I receive every month since I bought a glow-in-the-dark solar system for my sister the Christmas before last. I wrote "REJECTED, RETURN TO SENDER" but the mailman left it in my mailbox with a note that he can't return it to sender unless I pay postage! Since when is that true? Maybe next time I'll just write "REJECTED" without "RETURN TO SENDER" and see if it goes back. I tried sticking the last one in the credit card offer envelope but it wouldn't fit.

[PKMKII]

[daftbeaker]

A more interesting version of chess.

[Almighty Doer of Stuff]

Really it would be the rooks with arrows, wouldn't it?

EDIT: Ah, I looked it up. From the standpoint of what the pieces are actually based upon, though, the rooks would have arrows, being either armored chariots or turrets, depending on who you ask.

[Ravi Oli]

It was believed among the English archers during the Hundred Years War that the French intended to cut off the first and second right hand fingers of every captured archer to prevent him from again using a bow. The archers raised those two fingers to the advancing French as a gesture of defiance.

[PKMKII]

[daftbeaker]

[notty words]Katie Holmes leaves scientology [/notty words]

[DavidH]

How Dutch hospitals treat constipation:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/jsseUBFDDuo