Ongoing Pun Competition

[daftbeaker]

What's the difference between a magician's wand and a policeman's truncheon?

A magicians wand is used for cunning stunts

[Roland Deschain]

Look DB. Any more like that and i'll punt you out of here.

[DavidH]

"Punts are not for kissing in." Dr Spooner

[daftbeaker]

"Punts are not for kissing in." Dr Spooner

Never heard that one before

[black bart]

It's just like Henley on Thames during the Regatta...full of punts!

[PKMKII]

What do you call it when God gives you a little bit of cream cheese?

A Schmearacle!

[PKMKII]

For S'presso:

Four engineers are sitting around talking about who might have designed the human body. "It must have been a mechanical engineer," says the mechanical engineer. "The human body has all sort of levers and pivots and stuff. Only a mechanical engineer would have designed all of that." The electrical student replies, "No, it must have been an electrical engineer. Think about the complex way that the nervous system is wired up to the brain." The chemical engineer replies, "It must have been a chemical engineer, look at all those biochemical processes going on all the time all over the body." The civil engineer replies, "You've all got it wrong. The human body was definitely designed by a civil engineer. I can't tell you how many times I've run a waste line through a recreational area."

[Edd]

For S'presso:

Four engineers are sitting around talking about who might have designed the human body. "It must have been a mechanical engineer," says the mechanical engineer. "The human body has all sort of levers and pivots and stuff. Only a mechanical engineer would have designed all of that." The electrical student replies, "No, it must have been an electrical engineer. Think about the complex way that the nervous system is wired up to the brain." The chemical engineer replies, "It must have been a chemical engineer, look at all those biochemical processes going on all the time all over the body." The civil engineer replies, "You've all got it wrong. The human body was definitely designed by a civil engineer. I can't tell you how many times I've run a waste line through a recreational area."

Wrong thread, PK. (unless you know someone with a 'recreational area' encompassing their waist line?)

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

As Jeffrey Hicks, the event safety coordinator for the Renaissance Festival finished posting the revised standards for weaponry, he thought of the day an unleashed dog wandered onto the jousting field, causing the rider from Indianapolis to stop short, impaling himself on the butt of his spear, and the following day’s newspaper headline which read: “Stray Injures Indy Knight, Hicks Changing Lances.”

[PKMKII]

[TwistedSister]

^ I get it!!! They are all fowl!!!!!!!!

[Edd]

^ I get it!!! They are all fowl!!!!!!!!

They're also birds of 'pray.'

[black bart]

The same man walks into a butchers shop and inquires of the butcher:

Are you a gambling man?

The butcher says "Yes", so the man said: "I bet you £50 that you cant reach up and touch that meat hanging on the hooks up there"

The butcher says "Im not betting on that",

"but I thought you were a gambling man" the man retorts.

"Yes I am" says the butcher "but the steaks are too high".

[DavidH]

Did you hear the one about the man whose whole left side was cut off in a bandsaw accident? He's all right now.

[black bart]

Even my Egyptian jokes were better than that...(no they weren't)

Lucky HE wasn't a SHE who walked backwards into the bandsaw... dis arse ter