Fun Stuff to Do When You're Bored

[ken worley]

Go to Subway, Blimpie, Quiznos, pot o' subs, etc.

Order a footlong, extremely complicated cold sub.

When it is completed, and passed over to you, and paid for, take on giant step back, and dramatically dash the sandwich to the floor, as hard as you possibly can.
(the goal is to have toppings bounce higher than your head.)


Then in a deep, booming drill-seargent-voice, bellow,
"YOU AIN'T NO MARINE!!!!


See what percentage of people come up to you to compliment you on your pun.

[Zankou 2.0]

Write fucked up stories.

[Rainswept]

Fun Stuff to Do When You're Bored

I find the implication that masturbation isn't sufficient to be offensive.

[ken worley]

Mock people if they claim that masturbating isn't sufficiently offensive to the bystanders(s).

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Go to Subway, Blimpie, Quiznos, pot o' subs, etc.

Order a footlong, extremely complicated cold sub.

When it is completed, and passed over to you, and paid for, take on giant step back, and dramatically dash the sandwich to the floor, as hard as you possibly can.
(the goal is to have toppings bounce higher than your head.)


Then in a deep, booming drill-seargent-voice, bellow,
"YOU AIN'T NO MARINE!!!!


See what percentage of people come up to you to compliment you on your pun.

Dash the sandwich?

Also, I don't get the pun. Is it an American thing?

[ken worley]

Oh, a simple word-play on the type of sandwich, against a commonly impersonated type of bellowed critique of a struggling basic-training recruit by drill-seargent.

Probably the distance to Oz, coupled with the geographical isolation is the main reason for the joke's delay in reaching you.

If the punchline hasn't hit you by lunchtime tomorrow, let me know, and I'll track it through the delivery co's website.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

It's just never as funny when you have to explain it. Therefore, ha.

I didn't get it because I failed to make the connection between "sub", which doesn't have a meaning other than "submarine" here in Australia, so there was no connection to make it "sandwich". Damn this foreign cultural slang!

[Rainswept]

Well I got it and it still wasn't funny, if that helps, DTH.

[ken worley]

Print the post, and tape it to thigh, next to genitals....That'll help.

[Tigger_the_Wing]

Print the post, and tape it to thigh, next to genitals....That'll help.

I'll be funny when you try to remove it and rip out loads of hair?

[black bart]

Cut down the largest tree in your yard/garden...Count the rings to see how old it was.

Do the same thing with your grandparents.

Make a shiny pinwheel, and skip around with it in front of an army barracks, wearing nothing but a pair of ruby slippers and a pink tutu...(This one for boys only)..

For the girls, try to write your name in the snow.(also in front of an army barracks)...

That was the first post in this thread...I've only got as far as cutting the tree down so far...it was four years old...and then I remembered how much I'd payed for it at the garden centre...damn!

[Ubi Dubius]

Cut down the largest tree in your yard/garden...Count the rings to see how old it was.

Do the same thing with your grandparents.

Make a shiny pinwheel, and skip around with it in front of an army barracks, wearing nothing but a pair of ruby slippers and a pink tutu...(This one for boys only)..

For the girls, try to write your name in the snow.(also in front of an army barracks)...

That was the first post in this thread...I've only got as far as cutting the tree down so far...it was four years old...and then I remembered how much I'd payed for it at the garden centre...damn!

Black Bart: You don't have to do everything in the thread. It's optional. If you do plan to continue with the next few suggestions, please let me know what Army barracks you pick, I'd like to be there to hand out my business card. It should be be fun.

[black bart]

Black Bart: You don't have to do everything in the thread. It's optional. If you do plan to continue with the next few suggestions, please let me know what Army barracks you pick, I'd like to be there to hand out my business card. It should be be fun.

I know that in the USA Bart would be arrested in very short order for that sort of behaviour, but here in the UK he's more likely to get a grant from The Arts Council, or his own show on BBC3.

Don't give me ideas.

[ken worley]

Print the post, and tape it to thigh, next to genitals....That'll help.

I'll be funny when you try to remove it and rip out loads of hair?

No..Well, that too..but.

I merely suggested that the weak joke, which only produces a mild smirk, or at most, pained chuckle, will be boosted by taping the printed post to his naked pelvic region, which almost invariably inspires gales of laughter from all who see it.

teamwork....what its all about.

[daftbeaker]

Print the post, and tape it to thigh, next to genitals....That'll help.

I'll be funny when you try to remove it and rip out loads of hair?

No..Well, that too..but.

I merely suggested that the weak joke, which only produces a mild smirk, or at most, pained chuckle, will be boosted by taping the printed post to his naked pelvic region, which almost invariably inspires gales of laughter from all who see it.

teamwork....what its all about.

That actually made me giggle (as opposed to the original pun which was, quite frankly, sh*t)

Anyway, my suggestion for boredom relief is to speak about yourself in the 3rd person - (Walks into restaurant) "Have you got a reservation?"
"No but Daftbeaker would like a table for one"
It works best using your full name when people tend to look at you like you've escaped from somewhere important