Venganzine Pyrate Cookbook

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Electric Bugaloo Stoo
Git ye electrickery.
Stick it in a stoo med ove bugs an' sech.
Turn Nef Yoo upsy down.
Puta funnel innis bum.
Pour the electric bugaloo stoo in.

[pieces o'nine]

BUNNY DIP
1. Catch a fresh crop o'weevils.
2. Dice 'em up wiv yer cutlass an add enuff grog t'mayke a sauce.
3. Shang-high a herd o'bunnies frum thee board; mayke ye a batch ov rabbit crisps.
4. Dip 'em in thee weevil sauce.
5. Warsh down wiv copeeyuss hamounts ov rum.

[black bart]

I dun want anyeeone ta thynk I is avoidin thee Culinaree Arts loik so here's me contribushun:

Fish Head Stew (again)

Ingredients: Fish Heads

Method: Boil em.

Serve wiv a dose o thee cat.

Arrrgh luverlee.

[TwistedSister]

A dose o thee cat...........
I wouldn't do that if I were you........>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.[hiss]

[black bart]

Member of Parliament Business Lunch (On Expenses Only).

First you need to get access to a Member of Parliament. Offering to clean their moat for £2,000 + VAT quite often works; or else you can look up the address of one of their many second homes. MPs are notoriously greedy and most of them like a drink, so pretending that you've got some rum helps to get you in the front door.

Once you get hold of your MP, it's worth seeing if they have got any money in their pockets first. MPs get about £400 per month lunch money on top of their £5,398 per month salary, and they've got nothing to spend it on since they seem to claim everything they need on expenses. If the MP's husband or wife is also an MP, make sure you check their pockets too. As well as their other second home.

You need to kill the MP now. They may protest a bit about being killed, but if you assure them that you have been told that you are acting within the rules; that you've done nothing wrong; and that the system is to blame, they can't possibly object, can they? It does not really matter how you kill the MP, but do bear in mind that the vast majority of them are full of shit. Strangling them is clean and efficient. And fun.

Now that the MP is dead, take their platinum credit card and the key to their Range Rover, collect the rest of your crew, and go and have a jolly good lunch at Clos Maggiore, Launceton Place, or the Boxwood Cafe, and claim it back on their expenses.

Bon Appetit!

A nice variation to this recipe is this one sent in by PM Gordon Brown:

For this recipe you will need:

A very quick gettaway car and an alibi
An open fire
A huge pile of MP's receipts/porn/second home deeds etc

Simply throw the lot onto the fire and run like hell

Call Lord Mandelson when you get safely away and tell him 'Supper's Ready'.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

Hokay, I gunna show yer how ter make parrit anna carrit.

Yer gets a parrit
Yer gets a carrit

Yer sticks the parrit an the carrit inner big pot inner uvvin fer abowt free owers until parrit es ded.

Et taste juss lyke rose chickn.

Fank ye, ye welkum.

[pieces o'nine]

^ duz ye has t'loight a fyre in thee ovven, loike, oar duz thee parrit jest has fix eyate?

[Calico Jack]

No eat Jack. Feed jack

Pretty bird

See ya later alligator!

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Why Calico Jack Rackam !
Ye charmer ye !
So ye be recardinated as a porrit oi seas !
An' still a priddy boy !
Oi wuz wonnerin' wot become of ye ,
me spechul dearie ye !
Oi reckon it be three yeers sinces oi saw ye last ?

Oi wuz jest abowt ta wroite out a resipee fer tunge .
Wharr ye be stayin' Calico ?
Me Nest always be open fer ye deery .
Ye kin fether it uppe as ye plez .

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

Hokay, hi gunna tell yer how ter mayk lollypop stoo

yer git sum lollypops
yer git sum wotter

yer puts the lollypops anner wotter inner big pot an yer boils it
if yer wanner be all posh and la-de-da yer kin tayk the lollypop sticks out after
it dunt taste very nyce, tho...

Fank ye, ye welkum.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

Hi got a recipe fer ckickn inner baskit.

Yer get a chickn
Yer get a baskit

Yer puts er chickn inner baskit. Yer puts er baskit inner fire. Fank ye, ye welkum.

[pieces o'nine]

How oi longs fer ye goode olde dayes wen Chow Mein posted sum desint ressipeas.

[black bart]

How oi longs fer ye goode olde dayes wen Chow Mein posted sum desint ressipeas.

Arr that be loik wishin Sweeney Todd would cut yer hair instead of Count Dracula!

[Roland Deschain]

Shark Curry

PERSONNEL:
1 Galley Chef; plus
8 Deckhands
4 Spare Deckhands on standby

INGREDIENTS:
3 Large Sharks (C. carcharias)
1 Smoked Kraken
3000 Green peppers
1-4kgs of Curry Powder (Dependin' on how hot yer loike it. Oi personally loike the 'Mother-in-Law's tongue brand)
1/2 tonne rice
1 Tree of Bay Leaves

PREPARATION:
1. Beat Sharks over the 'eads wiv a blunderbuss. If ye hasn't got a blunderbuss, yer pegleg will do.
2. Collect tears in 44 gallon drums and use them fer salad dressin'.
3. Galley chef tells deckhands to place Sharks into an 'eated swimming pool. Turn on the steam. Make sure that the Sharks are quite dead - otherwise spare deckhands might be required. Arrrrrggggg.
4. Boil fer 10 days. After 7 days, skin can be pulled off - which is used fer 'andbags etc. Noice keepsake for the invoited guests. During the 10th day the teeth will fall out and are used for jewellery and amulets.
5. Cut off tail and use fer Shark-tail soup at a later stage - keep in deep freeze once cooled off.
6. Surviving deckhands must then cut Sharks into bite size cubes.
7. Add remainin' ingredients an' allow to simmer fer a further 2 days. Taste to see if it has enough spices etc. Oi sometimes like to add apricot jam to give it extra juiciness and flavour - about 5 kgs or to taste should do.
8. Curry should be ready when the albatross start circlin' above.

Serves approximately 1250 people. Better be lettin' yer deckhands try it out first.

[black bart]

1 Galley Chef

I recommends Ham Nox matey.

Luvverlee recipe that...can I ave some papodoms wiv me order?