Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news

[Griffin]

Be this still a noospaper? Or 'as it bin bawt by Murdoch? I h'only ask as the articles bin not wot we is used ter.

[Ravi Oli]

Paid Hadverteyesment

HERE YE!! HERE YE!! HERE YE!!
A Contest hinspyred an' ta be judg'd by thee Sultree Siren o'thee Seven Seize, nun otha than druppy-drawers 'erself, Cap'n pieces o'nine,to makes a despickible new minion fer yerself an' one fer thee Roight Disthhhpickible Black Barrrt.

Oi fownd a mowld for one 'ere:
http://minionslovebananas.com/minion-maker/

...but yer welcum to foind yer own sauce.
Yer downt needs to know what yer doin'... Oi used thee GIMP to nok up theez:



...an' tawt meself a few new curses inta thee bargen figurin' it owt. So lads lettuce see wot yez got... karnt be too 'ard ta match thee professhunal [corf corf] figer'ead he's currantly sportin'.

[Griffin]

Surprise Win !!

H'in a h'unexpekted result, Ms Elsie Businessboots won the Pirate's H'Apprentice, comprising 250,000 dubloons ter start up a business sellin' cabin boys. No female 'as h'ever wun befoor so this be wun ter wotch.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

wots hooters mean, unco woy?

[pieces o'nine]

T'hoom hit maye concern:

Capn DavidH be thee hoffishawl spokespirate fer thee Axis ov Skwirrel, Bubonic Plague Division. If pressed, oi myghte pointe out that 'e lives much, much closer t'thee houtbrake than oi duz. Oi jest be sayin, loike...

[Ravi Oli]

^ If t'was Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch or Meeyorka Oi'd beleave ye pieces... but e's an ocean aways frum LA.

[Rev. Rowan Redbeard]

I'm only one state away. And I'm staying at least one state away!

[Griffin]

Oi'm in a right state.

[pieces o'nine]

Be ye confessin' t'thee Skwirrel Hincident, then?

[Griffin]

H'onlee the pink wuns. or be Oi muddlin that up wiv the h'elefants incident?

[black bart]

wots hooters mean, unco woy?

It's a type of owl, you little shit.

SEEIN' I SKWIRRILS THREATEN PORTSMOUTH WITH BUBONIC PLAGUE!!?!
It was revealed this morning that skwirrils are carrying bubonic plague, and actually it is not just down to Nef Yoo's diaper. Cap'n Pieces was unavailable for comment. Black Bart is 103.

Bloody Cheek!

[pieces o'nine]

Thee Guaaaaarrrrrdian be roight proud, loike, ter hannownce a newe sponsorrrgh: Pilgrim Rum
All thee rebel scum in thee Newe Worlde arrrgh henjoyin it fer "Thanksgivvikuh" hackordin t'arrrgh sources. Serve wiv turducken, smashed potatoes, gravee, squash, maize-on-thee-cobbe, and pumpkin pye.

Pilgrim Rum. Henjoy in moderation. Or wiv moderators, witchever.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

Heer Me Heer me !

Bewy sPazshul ya tha Harrdyen !

Tha dReedid Nef yoo bLakbeers bin pomodid .
fwee sip ove milk ay tha Skurby Dawg .

hirwwe ep bfor alla bog pywitz hog et all

rrrrr

[anthrobabe]

Plague?

Back to sea.....

[DaveL]

In breaking news, it was reported In Portsmouth that several letters from unknown sources keep vanishin, when ye go to open them. Mrs Ethel McCracken, Portsmouth resident, was delighted to see her annual taxation bill had magically disappeared without warning. ''If this keeps up, Oi might be able to save up to buy a new gargoyle for me front porch'

Portsmouth post office, have attributed the vanishin' mail to an oversupply of invisible ink.