Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news
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- walktheplank
- Lumache Lieutenant
- Posts: 585
- Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:34 am
Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdian for yer latest news
ADMIRAL BENBOW CLOSES AFTER RIOT
The Admiral Benbow pub was forced to close last night after suffering structural damage during a riot which started when the landlord tried to enforce a smoking ban.
Though the smoking ban in England does not commence until the 1st July, the landlord decided to test public opinion when he politely asked his customers to cease smoking their tobacco.
The landlord's funeral takes place at Portsmouth Crematorium today, all smokers are welcome.
The Admiral Benbow pub was forced to close last night after suffering structural damage during a riot which started when the landlord tried to enforce a smoking ban.
Though the smoking ban in England does not commence until the 1st July, the landlord decided to test public opinion when he politely asked his customers to cease smoking their tobacco.
The landlord's funeral takes place at Portsmouth Crematorium today, all smokers are welcome.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
- black bart
- Resident Weevil
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- Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
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Spellin
GGGAAARRRR...ye can't be the Guardian...Tweren't enough spellin mistakes!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
- black bart
- Resident Weevil
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- Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
- Location: London
Semaphore
Black Bart sends PM to save on semaphore bill
Black Bart sunk to new lows of pettyness today when he PM'd a mate instead of usin his Semaphore. "AARRRRR, I needs ta cut costs" said Bart " I has ta find a cronan to get into the quiz night at t'Admiral Benbow!
Black Bart sunk to new lows of pettyness today when he PM'd a mate instead of usin his Semaphore. "AARRRRR, I needs ta cut costs" said Bart " I has ta find a cronan to get into the quiz night at t'Admiral Benbow!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
GREENHOUSE TEMPERATURES PLUMMET - RAIDING PARTY BLAMED
During a recent influx of Pirates to these shores temperatures have continued to plummet.
Venerable Pirate Brains Trust 'Mr Taichi' confirmed that the cooling weather marked a return to the Golden Age of Pirates.
The number of Arghhhhhs has indeed been notable and has resulted in the use of Argghhhs during general conversation. New sayings include:
"Show us your Arggghhs"
"Look at the size of your Argghhhs"
"Argghs no questions tell no lies"
and the ever popular
"Starrghhy-Starrrghy Night"
Mr Taichi confirmed that raiding party will continue indefinitely.
During a recent influx of Pirates to these shores temperatures have continued to plummet.
Venerable Pirate Brains Trust 'Mr Taichi' confirmed that the cooling weather marked a return to the Golden Age of Pirates.
The number of Arghhhhhs has indeed been notable and has resulted in the use of Argghhhs during general conversation. New sayings include:
"Show us your Arggghhs"
"Look at the size of your Argghhhs"
"Argghs no questions tell no lies"
and the ever popular
"Starrghhy-Starrrghy Night"
Mr Taichi confirmed that raiding party will continue indefinitely.
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
http://www.loose-canon.info/
http://www.loose-canon.info/
- black bart
- Resident Weevil
- Posts: 24540
- Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
- Location: London
weird
It be a weird thing but the two most talked about people on the Pirate board, namely Capn Cronan and Taichi, never post. Cronan came on to post himself only once or twice and we all know what appened to Taichi...although I think he'd be welcome back now.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
- walktheplank
- Lumache Lieutenant
- Posts: 585
- Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:34 am
OUTCAST FOUND BATTERED IN PORTSMOUTH STREET
The Pirate formally known as Taichi was found semi-conscious in a Portsmouth Street after receiving a beating from unknown assailants.
Portsmouth Police are waiting to interview Taichi to see if he can identify his attackers. At the moment his words are slurred and indecipherable though as one officer pointed out he didn't make much sense when he was fully conscious.
A witness who refused to be identify himself was heard to say "Dee Dee always gets her man, you don't cross her an git away with it"
The Pirate formally known as Taichi was found semi-conscious in a Portsmouth Street after receiving a beating from unknown assailants.
Portsmouth Police are waiting to interview Taichi to see if he can identify his attackers. At the moment his words are slurred and indecipherable though as one officer pointed out he didn't make much sense when he was fully conscious.
A witness who refused to be identify himself was heard to say "Dee Dee always gets her man, you don't cross her an git away with it"
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
- black bart
- Resident Weevil
- Posts: 24540
- Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
- Location: London
Battered
Another dreadful case of Battery in Portsmouth Shock.
It were dreadful chipped in PC Constable...There were mushy peas everywhere and ketchup all up the walls. Photos not for the squeemish:

It were dreadful chipped in PC Constable...There were mushy peas everywhere and ketchup all up the walls. Photos not for the squeemish:

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
- black bart
- Resident Weevil
- Posts: 24540
- Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
- Location: London
What th'
How the bleedin ell did that appen...Marion's Kochbuch...it was a photo of fish and chips last time I looked!
I hope it's not what it sounds loik!
I hope it's not what it sounds loik!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
If'n it is whut it sounds loike, it moight just be a smidgen more poiratey than a pictchewer of a fish supper....
Foine work there, matey.
Foine work there, matey.
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This is Bunny.
Bunny, as cute and cuddly as he may appear, is bent on world domination.
To achieve this he has decided to start by taking over teh intarweb, a step towards his ultimate goal.
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-----(o.o)-----
-----(> <)-----
This is Bunny.
Bunny, as cute and cuddly as he may appear, is bent on world domination.
To achieve this he has decided to start by taking over teh intarweb, a step towards his ultimate goal.
To help him complete his quest and therefore ensure bunny domination, copy and paste him into your sig
- walktheplank
- Lumache Lieutenant
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- Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:34 am
DAVE L WEDS PIRGELLA
It was a grand occasion at Portsmouth Cathedral when Dave L Bucaneer, Scoundrel and Local Drunkard married his long term wench the lovely Pirgella.
Pirgella was resplendent in a red satin gown that fortunatly masked the blood stains from one of the invited guests who had made the mistake of telling her she was lovely. Dave L's cutlass all sharp and polished claimed its first victim of a busy day.
Even Dave L had brushed himself up, his hat was on straight, he'd washed his beard and polished his hook. Whereas Pirgella had shaved her legs with a ladies razor Dave L used a plane to smooth out the lumps in his wooden leg.
The service was briefly interupted when a group of gatecrashers tried to force their way in by blowing a hole in the side of the cathedral with musket fire, however they were no match for the best man 'The Black Spot' who with his gang of unruly swabs charged at them with hammers, pickaxes and rocks leaving a pile of bodies on the cathedral steps.
The speeches were mercifully short The Black Spot said "I never liked ye much but as ye are paying for me ale then I'll mek an excepion for t'day"
The happy couple have not announced any honeymoon plans but as Dave L is wanted for the serious crimes of Piracy, Murder, doing unspeakable things with Cabin Boys and for smoking in the Admiral Benbow he was smuggled out of Portsmouth by his crew shortly after the reception finished. Shortly after Dave L had left then Pirgella was observed sneaking out of a side entrance arm in arm with a drunk and lecherous Black Bart.
It was a grand occasion at Portsmouth Cathedral when Dave L Bucaneer, Scoundrel and Local Drunkard married his long term wench the lovely Pirgella.
Pirgella was resplendent in a red satin gown that fortunatly masked the blood stains from one of the invited guests who had made the mistake of telling her she was lovely. Dave L's cutlass all sharp and polished claimed its first victim of a busy day.
Even Dave L had brushed himself up, his hat was on straight, he'd washed his beard and polished his hook. Whereas Pirgella had shaved her legs with a ladies razor Dave L used a plane to smooth out the lumps in his wooden leg.
The service was briefly interupted when a group of gatecrashers tried to force their way in by blowing a hole in the side of the cathedral with musket fire, however they were no match for the best man 'The Black Spot' who with his gang of unruly swabs charged at them with hammers, pickaxes and rocks leaving a pile of bodies on the cathedral steps.
The speeches were mercifully short The Black Spot said "I never liked ye much but as ye are paying for me ale then I'll mek an excepion for t'day"
The happy couple have not announced any honeymoon plans but as Dave L is wanted for the serious crimes of Piracy, Murder, doing unspeakable things with Cabin Boys and for smoking in the Admiral Benbow he was smuggled out of Portsmouth by his crew shortly after the reception finished. Shortly after Dave L had left then Pirgella was observed sneaking out of a side entrance arm in arm with a drunk and lecherous Black Bart.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
- black bart
- Resident Weevil
- Posts: 24540
- Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
- Location: London
CILLA
IS WALKTHEPLANK CILLA BLACK IN PIRATE GUISE SHOCK
Our reporter at the recent wedding ceremony of Dave L & Pirgella picked up on a rumour that infamous pirate 'Walktheplank' is actually Cilla Black in disguise. The rumours seemed to be substantiated by the fact that Walktheplank had acted as match maker for the happy couple, and that he was present at the wedding resplendant in a beautiful new wig designed by Sir Vivianne Westhamwood.
Here's wishing the happy couple a "Lorra Lorra luck."
Our reporter at the recent wedding ceremony of Dave L & Pirgella picked up on a rumour that infamous pirate 'Walktheplank' is actually Cilla Black in disguise. The rumours seemed to be substantiated by the fact that Walktheplank had acted as match maker for the happy couple, and that he was present at the wedding resplendant in a beautiful new wig designed by Sir Vivianne Westhamwood.
Here's wishing the happy couple a "Lorra Lorra luck."
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
- walktheplank
- Lumache Lieutenant
- Posts: 585
- Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:34 am
yarr that is a vicious and unfounded rumour I do not look like Cilla Black and I don't know any of her songs.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
- black bart
- Resident Weevil
- Posts: 24540
- Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
- Location: London
HARRR
Harr, Harrr, HARRRRRRRRRR!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
- The Black Spot
- Stripmeister
- Posts: 2277
- Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:55 pm
- Location: England
SMOKING BAN INTRODUCED
The law banning smoking in all of Portsmouth's public places was introduced last night.
Mayor Keith Liversausage said "This is for the good of the public. Anyone caught smoking in the Admiral Benbow Inn will be fined twenty pounds."
Asked whether the ban would work, Mr Liversausage said "Of course it will. Good heavens, the people around here would sell their souls for twenty pounds."
An anonymous man put a twenty five pound price on the mayor's head this morning.
The law banning smoking in all of Portsmouth's public places was introduced last night.
Mayor Keith Liversausage said "This is for the good of the public. Anyone caught smoking in the Admiral Benbow Inn will be fined twenty pounds."
Asked whether the ban would work, Mr Liversausage said "Of course it will. Good heavens, the people around here would sell their souls for twenty pounds."
An anonymous man put a twenty five pound price on the mayor's head this morning.
YArrrrr...
Oi must've been drunk for both the proposal and the wedding. I don't remembers any of it. That girl must've had the ceremony, ring and gown ready months ago.
It was an ambush Oi tells yer. What am I gonna tell Madame Fifi?
Yarrr, did we have a bucks night?
Oi must've been drunk for both the proposal and the wedding. I don't remembers any of it. That girl must've had the ceremony, ring and gown ready months ago.
It was an ambush Oi tells yer. What am I gonna tell Madame Fifi?
Yarrr, did we have a bucks night?
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
http://www.loose-canon.info/
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