Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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amenabletopasta
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Postby amenabletopasta » Thu Feb 23, 2006 4:45 pm

Dear Auntie Blackbeard,

Arrr! Oi be going bald, so Oi got hold o' some o' that "Mickey Dolenz Hair Restorer". Oi's been taking it fer a few weeks, but Oi reckons that maybe Oi be sufferin' some side effects. What d'ye be thinkin':

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Perraps if Oi parted me hair on the other side, nobody'd notice?

Yours in wonder at the genius o' Eclectech,

Cap'n Nailbiter
Where we're from, the birds sing a pretty song, and there's always noodles in the air :fsm:

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Griffin
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Postby Griffin » Thu Feb 23, 2006 6:22 pm

Dear Cap'n Nailbiter

Oi got to hand it to you.

Cap'n Treadmill.
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Fri Feb 24, 2006 9:13 am

Dear Cap'n Nailbiter

Ye's ne'er looked better. That there potion must be workin', yer even started t' grow hair on the end o' yer hook.

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black bart
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Postby black bart » Fri Feb 24, 2006 10:07 am

Dear Capn Nailbiter

Hair's not all what it's cracked up to be anyway - especially when it's all gingery!
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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Griffin
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Postby Griffin » Fri Feb 24, 2006 12:55 pm

Dear Auntie Blackbird

Me cabin girls are all demanding bromide. What be this?

Cap'n Treadmill
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

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Dr. Otis Lansa
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Postby Dr. Otis Lansa » Fri Feb 24, 2006 3:28 pm

Dear Captain Treadmill,

Bromide be what the yanks call "Mountain Dew"... it be full o' bromenated vegetable oils! Or they's be wanting a hot tub on board...
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The Black Spot
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Postby The Black Spot » Fri Feb 24, 2006 5:16 pm

Griffin wrote:Dear Auntie Blackbird

Me cabin girls are all demanding bromide. What be this?

Cap'n Treadmill


Arrr...

this be an old ruse. They's not not be wantin any for themselves, they be plannin to put it in yer grog.

Get yer own back by givin 'em a big sack o' Vitamin E an Kolaloka lemonade tablets, an tellin 'em it be bromide.

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Griffin
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Postby Griffin » Sat Feb 25, 2006 12:41 am

Dear Auntie Blackbird

Oi got this new-fangled email installed on me ship but it's jammed up. Some other Cap'n be tellin' me 'e 'as fixed me good and proper wiv sendin' down a 300 Gig. picture to me poop box. Now Oi's cut off from me Cap'ns group an' I be losin' a mint o' gold seein' as Oi'm all at sea wot wiv not gettin' the daily treasure maps. You should warn them other Capn's not to be usin' the poop box. This is not a hoax.

Cap'n Treadmill
Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

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DaveL
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Poop Deck!

Postby DaveL » Sun Feb 26, 2006 6:21 am

Dear Auntie Blackbeard,

Me and the lads 'ave had a rather aupicious journey round the Cape of Good Hope. Our ship has been followed by a rather large albatross, a symbol of good luck in these dangerous waters.

The lads have been tossin this bird, who we nick named 'im 'Albie', scraps so that he'll keep followin' our ship. Problem is, Albies been crappin all over me polished timber and me Poop Deck is covered in poop. YArrrrr....

Should Oi arrange for a bit of musket practice on Albie, or will a rubber cork solve the problem?

Kind Regards,

Capn Guano
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
http://www.loose-canon.info/

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afteryoudieyoucrpyourself
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Postby afteryoudieyoucrpyourself » Sun Feb 26, 2006 6:39 pm

Dear Aunt
I like a salty band named The Cure but all me shipmates call me a pussy cause one pot ead says they slit thar wrists what should I do kick him in thar goolies?
Pastafarienism is as great as Blackbeards armpits were smelly

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Dr. Otis Lansa
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Postby Dr. Otis Lansa » Sun Feb 26, 2006 7:26 pm

afteryoudieyoucrpyourself wrote:Dear Aunt
I like a salty band named The Cure but all me shipmates call me a pussy cause one pot ead says they slit thar wrists what should I do kick him in thar goolies?


'Ave the blaggart walk the plank, as the band dictated:

"Into the sea, you"!

Oi'd 'eartily recommend listening to the much saltier Clash instead of the Cure, poirticularily the earlier shanties, which should 'elp with cultivateling a more rollicking image.
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The Black Spot
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Re: Poop Deck!

Postby The Black Spot » Mon Feb 27, 2006 8:26 am

DaveL wrote:Dear Auntie Blackbeard,

Me and the lads 'ave had a rather aupicious journey round the Cape of Good Hope. Our ship has been followed by a rather large albatross, a symbol of good luck in these dangerous waters.

The lads have been tossin this bird, who we nick named 'im 'Albie', scraps so that he'll keep followin' our ship. Problem is, Albies been crappin all over me polished timber and me Poop Deck is covered in poop. YArrrrr....

Should Oi arrange for a bit of musket practice on Albie, or will a rubber cork solve the problem?

Kind Regards,

Capn Guano


Arrr...

the old albatross conundrum be a tricky one. Ye can't shoot the blighter down 'cos ye'll end up wi' the thing hangin' round yer neck fer the next hundred years. Ye'll also get Black Bart's luck wi' ships.

Perhaps next time he lands on yer deck for a few fish heads, ye could lassoo the bugger. As I said, ye can't afford to kill 'im, but with a long length of string an a splint across 'is wings, 'ee could make a fine kite to follow yer ship.

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black bart
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tasty!

Postby black bart » Mon Feb 27, 2006 10:04 am

I say get one o yer scurvy crew to scoop the poop - it'll make a tasty ingredient for the stew when ye can't get any Fish Heads! :wink:
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

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DaveL
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Postby DaveL » Thu Mar 02, 2006 7:12 am

Dear Aunty Blackbeard,

Should you use a grenade tipped or standard harpoon on Big Brenda?

Kind Regards,

Capn Sushi Bar
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians
http://www.loose-canon.info/

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black bart
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Band

Postby black bart » Thu Mar 02, 2006 7:30 am

Dear Auntie Blackbeard

I has a four piece band on board my ship called 'The Bilge Rats' and they be's aboard to knock out a merry tune for the lads and improve moral. The only trouble be they insist on Playin 'Nearer my god to me', every time we set sail. How can I get em to play somethin more cheerful?

Yours,

Captain J E Smith
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.


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