Piratic Poetry

[Ravi Oli]

Arrrrr foine rymmin werk bart... but Oi carnt see thee pikchures. Whar be pieces wen ye need 'er?

[pieces o'nine]

Oi respeckfully disagrees wiv yer pome, Bart.






ps: thee broozes frum bein' smacked down for disagreein wiv FAX 'as mostly 'ealed...

[black bart]

As yewsyewall it was a fine but one sided contest...a bit like pitting President Lincoln against Genghis Khan in a game of Mongolian head hockey.

[Roland Deschain]

Nobody Be Noticin'

Thee night were long,
An' thee days were longer.
Nobody be noticin' Cap'n Bart.

Thee fish were large,
But thee squid were larger.
Nobody be noticin' Cap'n Bart.

Thee sails were full,
But thee loo were fuller.
Nobody be noticin' Cap'n Bart.

[Ravi Oli]

Roland was the bouncer at the palais de dance
He'd slash your granny's face up given half a chance.
He'd sell you back the pieces, all for less than half a quid
He thought he was the meanest-
Until he met with Savage Sid.

Now Sidney was a greaser with some nasty roots
He poured a pint of guinness over Roland's boots
Roland looked at Sidney:
Sidney stared back in his eye.
Sidney chose a switchblade
And Roland got a cold meat pie.
Oh! what a terrible sight,
Much to the people's delight.
One hell of a fight.

Sidney grabbed a hatchet, buried it in Roland's head.
The people gasped as he bled:
The end of a Ted?

Well, they dragged him from the wreckage of the palais in bits.
They tried to stick together all the bits that would fit.
But some of him was missing
And parts of him you wouldn't know,
So now he works for TFSM
As the bouncer at the Beer Volcano.

[My thanks and apologies to ELP]

[black bart]

^^
^


McGonagall would be proud of us.

[Ravi Oli]

Thar once was a pyrate Cap'n bart
well known for 'is ability to fart
and each 'e would light
to 'is crue's great delight
'til thee one that blew 'im apart!

[black bart]

^Another excellent effort matey....

I shall try to respond in due course. I was recently inspired to write this and e mail it to a Stockport Borough councilor (nothing to do with piracy though):

Ode to a fallen car park tree.

I write a sad tale that gave me the needle
It happened right here in central Cheadle
A sorry sight here met my eye
And caused me to curse unto the sky
The evidence left for all to see
Of the wasteful death of a car park tree
A steel post bent like battered armour
That failed to protect the upright timber
The impact caused by car, van or lorry
The driving must have been quite sorry
A lack of control and,perhaps,excess beer
Had made their steering distinctly queer
So with a crash the pole was bent
And onto our tree the impact was sent
The crack of bark and branch rang out
But naught was heard for no one was about
So in silence our tree met it's doom
Whilst the killers away in their van did zoom
Next day the council arborialists were called
To the sorry scene where our tree was mauled
Naught for them to do but to leave a stump
This sort of thing really gives me the hump
Please protect our trees with sturdy bollards
Because driving like that is a load of *******.

Unfortunately the guy took it seriously and replied saying that Stockport Council could not afford that many bollards!

[DavidH]

Good effort, though, Bart.

[pieces o'nine]

Oi sees yer muse was hupon ye, Bart!

If ye wernt so cheape, ye'd buy er a chaire ov er owne...

[Ravi Oli]

E's good pieces but ezy on thee praise oar e'll needs a new gyant 'at.

[black bart]

Aye mateys, I think I be cut out ta be a gritty Northern Poet in thee mold o Ted Hughes...but with an Urban Improvement agenda...god knows they need it up North.