Piratic Poetry

[pieces o'nine]

That were luvverly, Roy.

[Roland Deschain]

That be very noice Roy. It indeed be a shame that our heritage be fallin' away loike this.

[black bart]

I am inspired to invoke my own countryman's poetry for a much happier story...the refurbishment of The Patti Pavilion in Swansea:



Holy Patti Pavilion

O
Out of a crumbling edifice
When the municipal funds made move to smooth
The curling tiled roof
And ruin and his causes
From the sea with winds of rust
And sweeping sands of time
Be held at bay with lots of cash
New glazed restaurant
With views of the sea
Rise up to meet my amazed eye
And I am struck as dumb as a holy monk by the sun

No
Let us not forget that voice of long ago
Praise for Madame Patti's gift to all
Out of the woebegone rust
Is risen an edifice of shiny glass and tin
An Indian restaurant concealed within
And concert hall fit for Kings
Where once an empty silence rang with doom
The hall of Patti now has more room
For diners, singers and their kids
To come from far and wide to see the sea
And hear the sounds of angels

Black (Dylan) Bart

(after "Holy spring" by Dylan Thomas)

[DavidH]

Duw, there's luvlee isn't it?

[black bart]

Yarrgh if onlee I could write poetry wiv the passion and genius o Dylan...and wiv three bottles o whiskee in me no doubt! He was partial to a tipple was old Dylan.

[DaveL]

ODE TO ME MERMAID - REPRISE

On a slimy rock, by the roaring sea...
Oi first spied her flipper...
And crashed me galleon into a cliff...
And abandoned me job as skipper...

And chewin' on a fish she caught...
She offered me a bite...
But me wanderin' eye kept starin' at..
Her fins all nice and tight...

When Oi asked her fin in marriage
She replied with "URKKKK!"
Coz Oi've lack of female contact...
And gone stark ravin' berserk...

Now the weddin' was a seaside treat...
Me bride in seaweed veil...
And the pirates danced a merry jig...
With the penguins sang a wail...

And now Oi've got little dugongs (with eye patches)
Swimmin' in the sea...
And there'll be dugongs sailin' galleons...
In the act of piracy...

[black bart]

A merrye ditty indeed Dave.

When once we sailed the seven seas
A mermaid we did spy
With golden hair and golden tail
She was pleasing to thee eye

We fished her up upon the deck
This angel from the briny cities
Her long hair flowed down o'er her chest
And covered up her ****ies

[Roland Deschain]

They be hwonderful pieces o' piratical poetry there, me poirate brethren. Oi just made this one up:-

Poirates on Mars

It's an FSM-awful small affair
To thee wench with thee mousy hair
But 'er first mate be yellin' "No"
An' 'er captain 'as told 'er ter go
But 'er shipmates arrrggghhh nowhere ter be seen
Now she be walkin' through 'er sunken ship
To thee mast with thee clearest view
And she's 'ooked to thee Fish 'Ead Stoo
But thee taste makes 'er bowels feel sore
'Cause she's lived it ten times or more
She could spit in the eyes o' lubbers
As they ask her to focus on

Sailors fightin' in thee dance hall
Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh man! Look at those poirates go
It's thee freakiest show
Take a look at thee Lawman from thee East India Companee
Beatin' up thee wrong poirates
Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh man! Wonder if 'e'll ever know
'E's in thee best sellin' show
Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh there Poirates on Maaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhs?

It's on thee Caribbean's tortured brow
That Jim 'Awkins 'as grown up a sea cow
Now thee crew 'as struck fer glory
'Cause Nef Yoo's on sale again
See thee lubbers in their million 'ordes
From Jamaica to thee Maldives
Rule Britannia be out o' bounds
To me wench, me parrot, and crew
But the Fish 'Ead Stoo makes me bowels sore
'Cause oi ate it ten times or more
It's about to be cooked again
As oi ask you ter focus on

Sailors fightin' in thee dance hall
Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh man! Look at those poirates go
It's thee freakiest show
Take a look at thee Lawman from thee East India Companee
Beatin' up thee wrong poirates
Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh man! Wonder if 'e'll ever know
'E's in thee best sellin' show
Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh there Poirates on Maaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhs?

[Ravi Oli]

Arrrrrrr gud werk Roland. 'tis said thee great bard Ziggy Stardust pulled random werds frum an 'at as thee basis fer sum ov 'is ballards. Yee 'ave used thee idea yerself?

Oi'll 'ave ta rak me brayns fer a ditty thee eqwal of awl these foin werks.

[Roland Deschain]

Oi were thinkin' the other day about the ploight ov our dear sister poirates, an' their treatment at thee 'ands o' landlubbers. This be me ode ter them. Aaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!

SISTER POIRATE

We're clearly poirates in full regalia
Dauntless crusaders fer women's boats
Though we adore male poirates hindividually
We agree that as a group they're raaaarrrrrgggghhhther smelly
Cast off thee shackles o' thee East India Companee
Cutlass ter cutlass into thee fray
Our daughter's cabin boys will adore us
An' they'll crow in grateful chorus
Well done sister poirates

From Kuala Lumpur ter Barbados
One 'ears the restless cry from every corner o' thee seven seas "Poiratekiond arise!"
Treasure equality an' equal grog wi' male poirates
Take 'eart fer Mrs. Blackbeard 'as walked thee plank again
No more thee meek an' moild subservience we
We're fightin' fer our rights by thee poirate code
Never ye fear!
Cast off thee shackles o' thee East India Companee
Cutlass ter cutlass into thee fray
Our daughter's cabin boys will adore us
An' they'll crow in grateful chorus
Well done
Well done
Well done
Sister Poirate

[pieces o'nine]

^ That maykes me 'boson' swelle wiv pryde.

[Roland Deschain]

Bart: Now oi've 'ad thee grog o' me loife
No oi never felt this drunk before
Yes oi swear it be thee truth
An' oi owe it all ter you

Brenda: 'Cause oi've 'ad thee stew o' me life
an' oi owe it all ter you

Bart: Oi been waitin' fer so long
Now oi've finally found someone
Ter sit on me

Brenda: We be seein' thee stew on the wall
An' the floors an' carpet too

Both: Now wiv grog in our 'ands
There's be no way we disguise it secretly
So we take each other's 'and (Brenda: Me 'and, Bart, not that!)
'Cause we seem ter understand thee hurgency

Bart: Jus' remember

Brenda: You're thee one thing

Bart: I be not gettin' enough of

Brenda: So I'll tell yer sumfing

Both:This may be love because

(CHORUS)
Both: Now oi've 'ad thee grog o' me loife
No oi never felt this drunk before
Yes oi swear it be thee truth
An' oi owe it all ter you
'Cause oi've 'ad the grog o' me loife
An' oi've searched through every gentleman's establishment
'Til I found the stew
An' I owe it all ter you

Brenda: Wiv me ample body an' soul
I want ye more than ye'll ever know

Bart: So we be lettin' it 'ang out
Don't be afraid ter lose control

Brenda: Yes oi know whats on yer dirty moind
When ye say:
"Stay wiv me ternoight."

Bart: Jus' remember
Ye be the one thing

Brenda: I no be gettin' enough of

Bart: So oi be tellin' ye sumfin'

Both: This may be love because

(CHORUS)
Both: Now oi've 'ad thee grog o' me loife
No oi never felt this drunk before
Yes oi swear it be thee truth
An' oi owe it all ter you
'Cause oi've 'ad the grog o' me loife
An' oi've searched through every gentleman's establishment
'Til I found the stew
An' I owe it all ter you

*Hornpipe hinstrermental*

Bart: Now oi've 'ad thee grog o' me loife
No oi never felt this drunk before

(Brenda: Never been felt this way)

Bart: Yes oi swear it be thee truth
An' oi owe it all ter you

Both: Now oi've 'ad thee grog o' me loife
No oi never felt this drunk before
Yes oi swear it be thee truth
An' oi owe it all ter you

Both: Now oi've 'ad thee grog o' me loife
No oi never felt this drunk before
Yes oi swear it be thee truth
An' oi owe it all ter you

[Qwertyuiopasd]

Oi been rightly inspired!

Bart:
Rum be a many plundered thing,
Rum drops us down on to the floor,
All ye need is Rum!

Brenda:
Please, don't be startin' tha' agin

Bart:
All ye need is Rum!

Brenda:
A wench 'as got t' eat!

Bart:
All ye need is Rum!

Brenda:
She'll end up on th' floor! (sigh)

Bart:
All ye need is Ruuuuum!

Brenda:
Rum be juss a drink.

Bart:
I bin made fer drinkin' Rum lassie,
Ye bin made fer drinkin' Rum.

Brenda:
Th' only way of drinkin' Rum laddie,
Be t' drink't moderately.

Bart:
Juss one shot,
Gi' me just one shot.

Brenda:
Thar be no way,
'Cause ye can't pay.

Bart:
I' th' name o' Rum!
One shot i' th' name o' Rum!

Brenda:
Ye daft blaggard,
I won't give in t' ye.

Bart:
Don't, leave me this way.
Oi can't survive, wi'out yer sweet Rum,
Oh lassie, don't leave me this way.

Brenda:
Ye'd think that pirates woulda 'ad enuff o' silly drinking songs...

Bart:
Oi look around me an' Oi sees it don't be so, ach no.

Brenda:
Some pirates wanna fill their guts with lots o' rum drinks

Bart:
Well what be wrong wi' that?
Oi'd like to know.
'Cause here Oi go... again...
Rum drops us down on to the floor!
Where drunkards trip,
On a wench's boot!

Brenda:
Rum makes us act like we be daft.
Throw our doubloons away,
For one happy drink.

Bart:
We could be villains...
Just fer one day.

Brenda:
Ye, ye'll be mean.

Bart:
Yar, I be.

Brenda:
(sigh) And Oi, Oi'll drink all th' time.

Bart:
We should be drunkards...

Brenda:
We can't do that.

Bart:
We should be drunkards!
An' that be a fact.

Brenda:
Though nothing, would keep us that sober.

Bart:
We could steal gold...

Both:
Just fer one day.
We could be villains,
Fer e'er and e'er,
We could be villains,
Fer e'er and e'er,
We can be villains...

Bart:
Just because Oi... will always drink Rum...

Brenda:
Oi...

Both:
...Can't help drinking...

Bart:
...Rum...

Brenda:
'Ow wunnerfull life be,

Both:
Now Rum's in, me gut....

[black bart]

Blimey that's good...I particularly like the 'Heroes' bit.

[Roland Deschain]

Nice one, Qwerty. I were tryin' ter figure out thee song, then it be twiggin' on me part o' thee way down. Most excellent.

Roy, that be a noice one. It be remoindin' me o' one oi saw on the hinternet:-

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator