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Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 8:50 pm
by Shoeman
O' Divine One

As has been proclaimed by the Pirates, Ahoy! for a New Age has come.

Let the printed idols fall before the Awesome might of the Noodle! Let there be singing in the streets and countrysides of the great divinity that is The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Let the Saviors of the past degenerate into the myths they are. Let Boyardee be raised up and with a mighty "Arrr" let the Holy Land be found. And once there let a great monument to the Midget, the Mountain, and the Tree be built and consecrated in the name of the image of the Skull and Crossbones.

The Swords are drawn. The flags are waving and the ships are coming to assault the port of Untruth! Pillaging, plundering, and wenching will commence and when that is done, a great cloud of saucey awesomeness will billow in the image of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the highest and most powerful Noodle!


Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:54 am
by DaveL
Ode to thy Tree

Oh Great Foliage.
Thy magnificence doth shroud thy Bobby Mountain.
And following creation by the Great One, you do sit awsesomely.
For thy roots hold much soil, preventing erosion and siltation

Oh Magnificent Shrubbery
With thy leafy goodness do your loyal Midgets espouse thee
For all but the Lumberjack shall plunder your booty
And I’m talking timber here, not Beyonce!

Oh Great Forested One
Shall thy xylem and phloem transport your nutrients
And make you grow big, leafy and beefy
For your photosynthesis doth provide much air (of the not hot variety)

Oh Leafy, Green Stalky, Thingy
When ye is hacked mercilessly from the forest
May your timber provide shelter and furniture from thy Midget workings
And shall those touristy timber souvenirs be forever banned

Oh Bushy, Brushy, Timbery One
Through summer and winter do thee doth endure great hardship
For you are most sturdy and durable like Calvin Klein undies
That is until thy chainsaw and front end loader doth smite thee

Oh Wooded, Cellulosy, Groundstick
When old age doth result in much dropping of the limb
Shall you sprout forth much foliage, green, bushy and brushy
For the Pirates shall require your assistance to reduce global warming

And shall thee dwell on the slopes of Bobby Mountain for ever more


Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:01 am
by _Tex_
ok, i get that the whole ID thing is they assume a Christian model of God, but it is not openly stated as being such. Therefore should our re-workings not be a little more far reaching?

1-"Pasta'alaam aliekum" - Islamic

2-"a donkey with a load of noodles is still but a donkey" Sufi

3-"pray for the things you want, but work for the pasta you need" Sufi

4-"when a thief sees the Noodley One, all he sees are His pockets" Sufi

5- "In what is seen, there should be just the seen;
In what is heard, there should be just the heard;
In what is sensed, there should be just the sensed;
In what is thought, there should be just the thought;
In the pasta that is eaten, there should be prayer."

6-"Conquer the angry man by love.
Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.
Conquer the miser with generosity.
Conquer the liar with truth.
Conquer the hungry with Noodles!"

7- "for mortal to feed mortal- that is the essence of FSM,
and this is the road to eternal glory.... with strippers and beer volcanos"

8- "there is but one Pasta and one Noodle,
but many are their forms and names:
Spaghetti, ravioli, udon, fettucini,
Lasagna, vermicelli, durham, spiralli,
But have a care when eating these things,
They should be hidden in dishes
as are the Pastafrian Mysteries;
Sacred things must needs be wrapped in sauces and toppings"
Conrad Ruth, German humanist

9- "an it be pasta, eat what thou will" Wiccan

10- "although everything is experianced in pasta form, noodlically, it is by no means a question of fictitious dangers, but of very real risks, upon which the fate of a whole meal may depend" Carl Jung


Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:01 am
by Solipsy
Whoa, there, _tex_! What sorta heretical lunacy ya spoutin' there, bud???!!??

We Pastamentalists don't take too kindly to that sorta hocus-pocus hoity-toity inclusive tolerance talk! rofl

Actually, those are all quite brilliant, but it's the Creation-as-Science angle we're going for, thus what we really need are the Scientific Faith-Based Accounts of Creation for each of the perfectly Scientifically Valid Belief Systems you mention.

Great work though. You made my morning! (MAY I USE THE SUFI ONES IN THE PROVERBS SECTION? THEY'RE GREAT!)

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:43 am
by _Tex_
please feel free to move to whatever sections you want.

personally i was happiest with the Stoic one and the rip off of Conrad Ruth.
I suppose with a few of them (specially the Ruth one) it works better if you know the original.

I'm glad i made your morning though, what with it being midnight here and all.....


Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 3:49 pm
by Solipsy
And so it came to pass that the copying and the pasting of the posting of the writing, as it did appear thus far in this thread, was done. And the FSM looked down, and His Great Noodly Appendages did quiver with saucy delight. And he did proclaimeth: "Cool. So Far, So Good." Thus spake Our Lord in Marinara.

It was proclaimed throughout that Boards of His Holy Discussion that the Divinely Inspired Writing should not cease, but rather should continue, for to Him, it is most pleasing. And yea, His humble galleyscribe Solipsy did toss and turn upon the seas of the keyboard at all unreasonable hours, and did gather the writings of the inspired, and did organize them and nit-pick them, but not without permission, and did seek to credit them, and will be in touch with the writers of them if any questions ariseth, and doth encourage said writers for to do the same.

Thus did the proclamation end, but the writing shouldn't.

Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 6:32 pm
by DaveL
Some more thoughts on the Holy Tree...I'm running out of superlatives

Ode to Thy Tree Part 2

Oh Green Leafy Hedge
Should thee obstruct my multi-million dollar harbour view
I shall poison and ring bark thee with glee
For a deforested suburb shall yea verily lose it’s real estate value

Oh Scared Mountain Foliage
Thy leaves shall shed from thee
Like hair from a Holy Bald Midget
For thy Midget shall find comfort in thy wig and thy merkan (if he’s that unfortunate)

Oh Blessed Scrub Tendrils
Thine branches are like the Great Ones Noodly Appendages
Spreading forth from the Great Strip Club in the sky
To touch thee like thee has never been touched previously

Oh Rigid Pole with Green Leafy Bits and Root
They garden doth harbour thy great beauty with bird and insect
Until thy man-of-the-house shall hack thee to the bare bone
For trimming shrubs is yea verily a real bummer

Oh Decidous Barky One
Shall the FSM answer thy great mystery of thy Leaf Blower
For they are noisy but do bugger all...
Except blowing leaves from one pile to another

And in the days when we ascend to the great Beer
Volcano in the sky. Shall the Garden of Eden possess
Trees that grow both pasta and stripper
For that would make me a very happy camper indeed!!

And thy abomination The Leaf Blower shall be banned from the House of our Lord. For ever and ever.


Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 12:11 am
by Father Jerome
[quote="DaveL"]Some more thoughts on the Holy Tree...I'm running out of superlatives
The Noodle’s Prayer :worship:

Our Pasta who art Spaghetti.
Palatable be Thy Strands.
Tasty be Thy Sauce, and succulent Thy Meatballs,
And may All be as scrumptious as It looks.

And give each of us a heapin’ helpin’,
No skimping! (as you have so oft’ done before). :x

From Thy steaming tureen, that’s filled with Meatballs
Awash in piquantly flavored Sauce,
Thy servant shall take freely
and with it anoint each of Thine Spaghetti strands. :)

And let This Sustenance lead not to constipation, :roll:
Nor heart-burn; the runs; bloat and much gas, :wink:
nor further intestinal afflictions;
for Thine is the power-- Ooops! :oops: Pee-uu!:oops: :twisted:
this was somethin’ that I had to pass. ) :oops:

RAmen. Let’s eat!

Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 11:59 pm
by DaveL
A traditional working song sung by the Midgets of Bobby Mountain and translated from the original language of Midget Bork - as spoken in the Holy Book of Midgets.

This song may be sung or prayed in either English, Midget or Piratese as a round. It is rumoured that the Flying Spaghetti Monster decrees bonus Beer and Strippers will be forthcoming to those who can sing the prayer in the Ancient Midget Tongue (please confirm this Olive Garden).

And it is also well rumoured that Qwerty may be one of those on extra rations come the afterlife.

The Basil Pickers Prayer

Picking up the basil (Picking up the basil)
Put in the pot (Put it in the pot)
Stir it in with noodles (Stir it in with noodles)
Eat the bloomin’ lot (Eat the bloomin’ lot)

Picking up the basil (Picking up the basil)
Blimey it get’s hot (Blimey it get’s hot)
Think I’ll go inside now (Think I’ll go inside now)
Switch on telly, sit on bot (Switch on telly sit on bot)

Picking up the basil (Picking up the basil)
Hungry not a lot (Hungry not a lot)
Think I’ve got constipation (Think I’ve got constipation)
Small intestine in a knot (Small intestine in a knot)

Picking up the basil (Picking up the basil)
Science is a blast (Science is a blast)
Dedicated to our future (Dedicated to our future)
Definitely not our past (Definitely not our past)

Picking up the basil (Picking up the basil)
Noodly Monster is the way (Noodly Monster is the way)
To get to Stripper Heaven (To get to Stripper Heaven)
And drinkin’ beer all day (And drinkin’ beer all day)

Picking up the basil (Picking up the basil)
Wish I had more hair (Wish I had more hair)
It amuses Spaghetti Monster (It amuses Spaghetti Monster)
And that’s not really fair (And that’s not really fair)

Repeat again or alternatively if your hungry – start eating!

Alternatively in Midget Bork

Zee Beseel Peeckers Preyer

Peecking up zee beseel (Peecking up zee beseel)
Poot in zee put (Poot it in zee put)
Stur it in veet nuudles (Stur it in veet nuudles)
Iet zee bluumeen’ lut (Iet zee bluumeen’ lut)

[i]Peecking up zee beseel (Peecking up zee beseel)
Bleemey it gets hut (Bleemey it gets hut)
Theenk I’ll gu inseede-a noo (Theenk I’ll gu inseede-a noo)
Sveetch oon telly, seet oon but (Sveetch oon telly seet oon but)

Peecking up zee beseel (Peecking up zee beseel)
Hoongry nut a lut (Hoongry nut a lut)
Theenk I’fe-a gut cunsteepeshun (Theenk I’fe-a gut cunsteepeshun)
Smell intesteene-a in a knut (Smell intesteene-a in a knut)

Peecking up zee beseel (Peecking up zee beseel)
Sceeence-a is a blest (Sceeence-a is a blest)
Dedeeceted tu oooor footoore-a (Dedeeceted tu oooor footoore-a)
Deffeenitely nut oooor pest (Deffeenitely nut oooor pest)

Peecking up zee beseel (Peecking up zee beseel)
Nuudly Munster is zee vey (Nuudly Munster is zee vey)
Tu get tu Streepper Heefee (Tu get tu Streepper Heefee)
Und dreenkin’ beer ell dey (Und dreenkin’ beer ell dey)

Peecking up zee beseel (Peecking up zee beseel)
Veesh I hed mure-a heur (Veesh I hed mure-a heur)
It emooses Speghettee Munster (It emooses Speghettee Munster)
Und thets nut reelly feur (Und thets nut reelly feur)

Repeet egeeen oor elterneteefely iff yuoor hoongry – stert ieteeng! Bork Bork Bork!

Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 6:39 pm
by DaveL
Ponderance of thy Balls

Oh Dual Orbed One in the Sky
Thy carbohydrated-ness is reknown throughout the land
For thy appendage has touched our humble Pastafarian flock
And in our praise to thee, do we thank thee for extending your noodley appendage.
For a life of dogma sure beats living in the real world!

And with thine eye stalks, does thee watch over your Piratey Brethren
For they are both googly and snail like. And Gastropods are yea verily really cool with the kids.
And in our worship to thee, do we acknowledge that you watch over us.
Like Betty Bowers or a Military Satellite.
For thine privacy is forfeit in your eyes.

But thine mystery of thine Pulsating Meat Balls doth perplex us
They are dual Halos, (without the X-Box) which radiate thy warmth with great glee, meatiness and herbiness.
For your mincey goodness be forfeit without much garlic and onion.

And in our thoughts of thee, do we boys ponder your wobbly bits.
For a man doth think about sex every 10 seconds according to many womans magazines.
And testosterone can yea verily be a real bummer.
For it doth cause many of the worlds problems, including
24 hour sports channels and badly acted martial arts movies.

And in multiple choice format, we doth ask thee:

a) Are thee man? For thy Holy orbs possess crown jewel like qualities. (cue spine tingling music)
b) Are thee woman? For thy Holy orbs put Pamela Anderson to shame
c) Are thee both? For the post modern era doth allow many possibilities
d) Are thee are non of the above

For thine answer is d). Lock in d)!!

For we shall praise thee in all our Might Oh Great Lord/Lordette that your sexless form shall provide inspiration and equality to Pastafarians across the land.
For subordination of women and separation of roles is an abomination in your eye stalks.

Yes thy humble snail is also a hermaphrodite, intelligently designed in your image. But alas thy brethren the slug did yea verily cop a raw deal, without thy 'Mini-Winnebago' for shelter.

And as your tentacles brush the lands of the holy mountain, shall we your pastafarian people extol thee with much joy.
For the mystery of thine balls shall result in much fragmented thinking, counter movement and disagreement, like most theological thinking.

For thine balls are the Meatiness, the Mince and the Seasoning.

For Ever and Ever,



Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:06 pm
by Solipsy
the following prayer was posted in proverbs by mistake:

Prayer from Cardinal Rigatoni
Our Pasta which art in marinara, delicious be thy name. Thy plate has come. Thy will be eaten in earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily serving. And forgive us our occasional overcooking, as we forgive them that take seconds before us. And lead us not into cleaning. But deliver us from weasles. RAmen.


Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:34 pm
by Solipsy
This was posted by NoodleNet in Proverbs, clearly a Prayer Unto Him:

Monster grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the Noodle to know the difference.

(RAmen) (added by me cause it needs to be there. Don't we ALL need this prayer some days?)

(Now the challenge is a great punny title... come on folks...)

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 3:43 am
by DaveL
Ok Guys,

This is partly based on Bobby's Mountain myth and Michael Behe's Mount Rushmore ID analogy. This quote from AiG made me barf:

They will tell you man's existence — and the existence of the
Presidents immortalized in rock on Mount Rushmore — is nothing more than the result of a series of unexplained, chaotic, biological accidents, interacting with whatever environments happened, by chance, to be there! ... shmore.asp


Mount ID

Massive Rock Oh Craggy Mountain
When we stand on top of thee
Are we really closer to the beer volcano
Or is this just a psychological trick based upon
Relative height to ground, and the ‘invisible sky daddy’ concept?

Magnificent Lofty Matterhorn of Love
Your slopes do cradle thy Mountain and Tree
And nurture thy Midget workings of Basil and Pasta Sauce
And is Mount Rushmore really an example of Intelligent Design?
Or is this analogy yea verily the work of a nutty fruitcake?

And in thy science classrooms Oh Great One
Shall Gutzom Borghlum’s work transcend the Great One’s works
For he too was an intelligent designer – real, while the other is implied
Like Father Christmas, Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy
And chocolate eggs are irreducibly complex in my tummy!

In thy breezy solitude oh Great Summit
Shall your icy cap be a visible reminder of the power, the powder and the glory
Of our divine makers sauciness
A radiant reminder of his wriggly, jiggly, wobbly, globby creations
Prostrate at your semolina-like tentacley tendrils

And we intelligently ask this in The Holy Designers name


Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:09 am
by PastaGirl
Our Pasta, who art in Marinara,
Flying Spaghetti Monster be thy name,
Thy Pirates will come,
Thy global warming be done,
On Earth as it is atop the Beer Volcano,
Give us this day our Garlic Bread
And forgive us our noodly trespasses,
as we forgive those who refuse to accept that EVERY Friday is a religious holiday.
Lead us not into temptation,
and deliver us from the evil Anti-Pasta (Atkins, South Beach, etc….)

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:03 am
by Swatopluk
An ancient sacred inscription in the temple of Hauro Pasta in Elam (today Iran)

Thus speaketh Pastapanigarl, kin to the King of Ashur and Babylon, priest of the deity
I praise thee , Hauro Pasta, as my mother did.
Your elements are Air, Fire, Water and Bread of garlic
You create the dough,
You add the red fruits of Lycos [Tomatoes = Lycopersica]
And the delicious meat of mutton.
You create the Long Dough, Hauro Pasta,
Lord of the moving curry house.
In You are the Long Dough and the Meatballs!
Oh, Divine :fsm: , touch us with the Appendage of Long Dough!
Give to us the Spicy Sauce!
From the Holy Mountain shall spout the inebriating drink [Beer]
In order to nourish those who are in You!
Give to them the workshop of the people-who-throw-their-clothes-away!
As You have created the midgits, mountains and trees,
So are You with us today
Rich are You in garlic!
Soup of the Long Dough!

Unfortunately, some subtleties of the original German version don't translate that well. And, yes, there is a Miyazaki allusion.
I have at least half a dozen versions of the king's name, all of which translate as 'Pasta and garlic bread' mixed from English, Latin, Greek, German etc.; e.g.
Ashurhauromazd (matsa = dough)
Pas(a)ta-allbekosd (bekos = bread, allium = garlic)
Pasta-artoskord (skorodon = garlic, artos = bread)
Pastapanigarl (panis = bread)
Pastaknofibrod (Knofi, Knoblauch = garlic, brod (obs.) = bread)