Corrupt a wish.

[Roving Punster]

Granted. As soon as I'm done here I'll post threads mocking every major terrorist org, fringe religious activist org, conspiracy theorist org, drug cartel, corrupt pharmaceutical company, street gang, rogue government organization, hacker fraternity, cybersecurity firm, and unemployed mime I can find, imply we have a stolen email database of theirs (with compromising photos), and invite them here for some friendly negotiations for its return in our off topic lounge, and then I'll CC invites to the mass media and late night talk show host community to spectate. WHEEEEEEE. {I was just kidding, dont kickban me}

I wish I was omniscient.

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

Granted. But you already knew that.

I wish I had access to the Fountain of Youth.

[Roving Punster]

Granted. You find a shiny annotated fob key in your pocket granting access to the hidden cave holding TFoY, but the sudden onset of Altheimers appears to have stripped the actual location from your mind. You also cant remember ... something ... important ... @#$% !

I wish I had a hammer, so I could hammer in the morning, and in the evening, all over this land.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

Gwanted.
A big ‘ammarrr fawls frum da sky an hits ye onna scon , nokkin ye senssless .
Den ye 4 getted wot ye wannid it 4 inna furrs plaec .
We awl lukkee cos we donne hafta poot hup wiff alla bam bam bam inna moornin an nite .

I wish , ummm , i wiss i cood fink off sumfing i cood whiss 4 .

[Roving Punster]

I wish , ummm , i wiss i cood fink off sumfing i cood whiss 4 .

Ah ah ah, only 1 wish, not 2.

Granted ... a lone package of Steak-umms appears in your hand. Sadly, it already thawed, and you have neither fire, cheese nor bun to prepare and serve it with.

It's too bad that the Gods in this reality hit like girls, because I've been very naughty, and I wish to be properly punished for it.

[MourningStar]

Done, you have been sentenced to watch Donald Trump debate the empty chair Clint Eastwood talked to for six and a half hours. Your only restroom is an outhouse in the middle of a mine field. The only commercial breaks are episodes of The Big Bang Theory with the laugh tracks removed and your only form of sustenance is an unopened box of Steak Umms® someone apparently left on the ground...


I wish for an Ice Cold beverage so I can relax...

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

Granted. You are unceremoniously submerged in a tank of Kool-Aid chilled to a refreshing one degree Celsius.

I wish I was independently wealthy enough that I didn't have to work for a living.

[StayThirstyMyAguila]

Granted. Unfortunately, you have seven children and they're all Nef Yoo.

I wish for bacon. Lots of it.
Whoever dares corrupt bacon doesn't deserve to be here.