Rabbit Test - the Australian Version

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St John the Blasphemist
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Rabbit Test - the Australian Version

Postby St John the Blasphemist » Tue Nov 21, 2006 1:26 am

Rabbit Test Puts Cops On The Hop

This column comes with an important disclaimer--it was written by somebody else.

The following comes in part from an American police journal, with the local interpretation provided by a senior New South Wales police officer who had best remain nameless.

Clearly, it was a slow day in the office---but it's nice to know at least one person in the upper echelons of constabulary retains a sense of humour.

The Los Angeles Police Department, the FBI and the CIA were debating which of them was best at apprehending criminals.

President Clinton decided to put them to the test. He released a white rabbit in a forest outside Washington and set each agency the task of trying to catch it.

The CIA went in and placed animal informants throughout the forest. It conducted extensive interrogation of plant and animal witnesses and after three months investigation, concluded the rabbit didn't exist.

The FBI went in. After two weeks with no leads it burned the forest killing everything in it (including the white rabbit). It offered no apologies and explained that the rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD boys went in. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear that was yelling, "Okay, Okay, I'm a rabbit."

Several years later, John Howard heard about this trial and decided to put Australian law enforcement agencies to a similar test.

He released a white rabbit in the forest outside Canberra.

The Victorian police went in returning 15 minutes later with a koala, a kangaroo and a tree fern, all shot to pieces. They explained that "they all looked dangerous and we merely acted in self-defence."

The NSW police were next to take on the test. Surveillance tapes later revealed high-ranking officers and rabbits cavorting naked around a gum tree. "F*ck the royal commission!" was the only intelligent phrase picked up by the microphone.

The Independent Commission Against Corruption said it knew all about the rabbit and what it was up to, but declined to hand over the files.

The Queensland police trooped in noisily, emerging shortly afterwards with a new Mercedes, a load of bunny girls and a large amount of cash. They explained this was a gift from the rabbit who was really a top bloke.

The NCA (national crime authority) lads went in. They couldn't catch the rabbit but promised that if they were given a $90 million budget increase, they'd hit it for unpaid taxes.

The South Australian and Western Australian police joined forces and belted the life out of every rabbit in the forest except the white one. They explained it was only the black rabbits that caused trouble.

The Australian Federal Police refused to go into the forest, claiming it wasn't part of their core business. Having examined the cost and determined the target was of low priority to the organisation, they advised the relevant state authority should deal with the matter.

ASIO went to the wrong forest.

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Postby KidDirty » Tue Nov 21, 2006 1:49 am

I'm not sure about Australian police forces but I can predict this:

George W. Bush would round up all the other rabbits in that forrest, and send them off to detention centers to be tortured, with no hope of trial. He'd eventually give up on the white rabbit, and bomb the hell out of a neighboring forrest claiming that that forrest had ties to the white rabbit, and were surely amassing stockpiles of Carrots of Mass Destruction.
Once the ecosystem of this forrest was in chaos, he'd wonder why all the little forrest dwellers did not greet his forces as liberators, claim that the rabbits had moved the Carrots of Mass Destruction, and constantly claim that this forrest was doing just fine.

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Postby ke_mikiao » Tue Nov 21, 2006 5:47 pm

...three years, 7 months, 18 days, 13 hours, 57 minutes after the white rabbit was released into the forest

FEMA showed up

"The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head."

"Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow." - Kay, Men in Black


Postby MPTrooper » Tue Nov 21, 2006 8:55 pm

The Army Military Police went into the forest. They trained other rabits to hunt down the white rabbit. Sadly several of the white rabbits had disguised themselves as FPO (forest police officers) The MP's kill any rabbit that chitters at them funny.

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