Cap'n Shivermetimbers' Treatise on the Universe

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Cap'n Shivermetimbers' Treatise on the Universe

Postby Skeptical Skepticism » Mon Jan 09, 2017 2:26 am

The Composition of the Universe

1 It has been well established by us all, that the FSM keeps us all on Earth, and that all the universe is held together by his noodly appendages. 2 But we must address what it is that we are made of.

3 In the Beginning, he created the Universe in his great drunkenness, and thus we are here, and celebrate by drinking beer. 4 I now know, through revelation from his Noodliness, that the Universe is made of Pasta ingredients. 5 We live all on great meatballs, that he is currently cooking around the great burners in the sky, our stars. 6 What we think of as lava is just hot Pasta sauce. The stuff we call water, is indeed the grease he cooks the meatballs in.

What This Means

1 Through divine revelation, I now know what this means.

2 His Great Noodly Appendage is making a giant meal of Spaghetti and Meatballs, just for us. 3 When we go to Heaven he will have it all ready, with meatballs the size of literal planets, 4 and the Noodles being prepared for us in the semblance of Noodle theory 5 (like String Theory, but tastier, and with more pasta).

6 But we must be careful. We are now in a dangerous time.

The Warning

1 We can now see what we have done, in breeding like jack rabbits on Kolaloka lemonade.

2 There are now so many of us, that his noodly appendage doesn't have enough appendages to keep us on Earth. 3 The nasty naysayers are now going into the great, cast iron, black, frying pan beyond our meatball (Earth).

4 We saw the side affects of this long ago, when we all started getting taller. 5 This is why I have deduced that the most blessed land is China, where they are short, 6 and thus it means this is the place where he has the most noodly appendages.

7 We have also defiled his prophets! 8 We are running out of the great Pirates, and need more! 9 For now the great warming has started. The FSM accidentally has turned up the heat on cosmic oven, 10 and his pirates are not here to stop it. 11 We must adorn our Pirate regalia, and ARRGGGHHH for him to turn down the heat. 12 We have one group already on this, in the land of Somalia.

13 Do not ye, be led astray. For these are the signs of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Adorn your garbs, and eat Spaghetti, 14 and then the meatball burning shall subside.

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Re: Cap'n Shivermetimbers' Treatise on the Universe

Postby DaveL » Mon Jan 09, 2017 3:40 am

Nice work matey - now don't let our friend from North Carolina try and steal it off you!
Loosely Canonising and keeping it free for all Pastafarians

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Re: Cap'n Shivermetimbers' Treatise on the Universe

Postby ChowMein » Mon Jan 09, 2017 3:31 pm

DaveL wrote:Nice work matey - now don't let our friend from North Carolina try and steal it off you!


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Re: Cap'n Shivermetimbers' Treatise on the Universe

Postby Monobaz » Tue Feb 21, 2017 8:09 am

In my opinion you have an unhealthy fixation with noodly appendages - enough to make the timbers shiver.
"There was a time when religion ruled the world. It is known as the Dark Ages." Ruth Hurmence Green

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Re: Cap'n Shivermetimbers' Treatise on the Universe

Postby 'Murican Bald Eagle » Tue Feb 21, 2017 1:07 pm

Leave us awl a lone ya puffed up little red spoggy, aaarrrrgggghhhh!

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