Wedgie Document

[Scruffy05]

We cannot let this idea stifle. We should organize 4 or 5 pastafarians together over the next little while to hunker down and pound this thing out.

If you want me I cannot put serious time into until weekends, as I'm sure most people can't... we all have to work

[Griffin]

Another broadside from Herr Prof Van Nathaniel Winter-Wartson. Published today, his new research paper Pastarian Explosions.

This well known and respected scientist's latest work sees a departure from his normally carefully constructed experimental proofs. The paper includes some experimental evidence (see pressure cookers) but is largely based on extrapolated theory.

By a stunning extension of Knot Theory, vNW-W has shown that for any given value of KT (Knot Tension) there will be an equal and opposite effect at a distance relative to the PCP (Pressure Cooker Pressure), modified by the velocity of Dark Matter and Temperature of Water as a coefficient of Noodly Density. Further, the Number of Noodles, expressed as N(1-N)*10, will directly contribute to the number, position and force of the explosions.

His main conclusion is therefore based on a relatively new expression:

O = N(1-N)*10 : x((KT+P) / F ) * ND : PCP/(KT-TW)

From this it is but a short step to his proposal that for multiple O there must have been several Big Bangs in many places at the same instance and an even larger number in all places at all times. Thus when Time implodes to a singularity the FSM will be observed.

[Poincare's Stepchild]

Speaking of knot theory...would HIS noodly appendages constitute a rational tangle?...And if so, what would the number be for its Conway notation?

[dutch convert]

Speaking of knot theory...would HIS noodly appendages constitute a rational tangle?...And if so, what would the number be for its Conway notation?

We wil never be able to figure out if there is rationality behind the tangle. However, to the standards of the infinite wisdom of the FSM all is rational to the FSM. To us mere pirates and pastafarians it is not. To us it is a knot. That's why the knot theory is such a knot.

[Griffin]

A new publication by Herr Professor Nathaniel Winter-Wartson. This looks to be heading for the best sellers list. Don't be misled by the title. This is a book to read at one sitting as once you put it down there is no guarantee you will ever pick it up again, as the title implies:

"Instability and Unreliability in Homo Sapiens: debunking the myths".

Prof. W-W spent 6 months living with a family of Homo Sapiens observing their behaviour. The conclusions he reached have stunned the world and experts are predicting major social change as people adjust to the new understanding of human nature. This may well be an evolutionary breakthrough.

The initial chapters of this book comprise the Profs notes and images of the Family at rest, work, and play. Don't be put off by the tedious and irritating nature of the material. Take time to notice the minor details. The Prof. then gives a detailed and fascinating analysis, including the statistics summarising his observations. A sample is below:

*all figures are bassed on a period of 26 weeks and four Family members

* 5,650 twitches
* 9,876 leg jerks
* 12,989 incidents of leaving a room without any explanation
* 6,431 incidents of shouting for no apparent reason
* 58 items forgotten to purchase when shopping with a list
* 64 items forgotten to purchase when shopping without a list
* 876,431 being late home
* 230 cases of unplanned illness (2 severe)

The Prof. concludes this section by showing how his observations validate the characteristics of instability and unreliability in Homo Sapiens. The final section of this book then explores how this behaviour forms the lynch pin of Human activity. Without it, he states, for example, Homo Sapiens would never have managed to get up on two feet and walk. The ability to forget items when shopping stimulates the Human into returning to the shop, thereby automatically generating activity where otherwise the Human would become a couch potato.

Prof. W-W concludes that far from being a cause for concern about the health of any individual displaying these characteristics, these traits are built into the brain core and are fundamental to the survival of this species.

[AloneWithTheGospel]

One hundred scientific, academic and technical articles peer reviewed by ourselves, covering subjects including:

The obvious design of the human body to accept pasta and pasta-like foods as a easy source of fuel.

I could do this, for real. But It might take a few hours and some really obscure ingredients.

[Duke]

I hope you don't mind if I try to Pastafarianize the "Activities" Section:

ACTIVITIES

1) Pasta Research Program

2) Battlefield Science Research, such as the String [or Spaghetti] Theory, Mary's Pasta Kitchen, and the Pirates and Global Warming Laboratories

3) Pirate Preacher Training

4) Pillaging Conferences

5) Pasta Makers Events and Confrences

6) Alliance-building (with Far East Pirates, perhaps?), recruitment of future scientists, leaders and Pirates, strategic partnerships with pirate ship think tanks, Piraticational organizations and institutions, foundations and media outlets (The Pirate Weekly!)

7) Pirate Public Speaking

8 ) Popular Pasta Op-Eds, Pirate Publishing

9) Pirate and Pasta Documentaries, novels, action films, and TV serials, and a Pirate-hosted Pasta cooking show.

10) Academic debates with non-Pastafarians (heathens, in other words), and Ninjas

11) Fund Raising and Development (buy the t-shirt!)

12) General Pirate Hierarchy, from Captain to Lavatory Cleaner






That's my piece. Do we want to revive this? I'd love to, anyone want to help?


Duke