Pastafarian Theology Doctoral Theses

[ChowMein]

Argh , Perfesser Dushane !

Wots thus !

A freebie ove sum sort eh ?

WELL OI WANT WUN OVE DEM PAPER THINGIES !

*ahem*

I'd loike ta submit me body ove werk in Pastyfairying Gastrinomical Studeez , to eat an' die qwik loike or waste aweigh slow loike .
Me ongoing treatisez ," Thee Venganzine Pyrit Cookbook " and " High Chef on Pyr ... wate a sec...thots not et...oh yah , " Pirate Chef On Thee Seas " , odda warrint et least two ove dem paper thingeez ( oid loike thee pyrate fish doh)

Oi be eagarrly aweightin me high onner .

Argh ! Belay thet ! Me essay be aktooley tituld , " Pirate Chef On Thee High Seas " , ( oi hadda luke et ep loike ) an' wile oi be heer oi figger thet oi otta draw yer atenshun ta thee expermints an' reseerch widhin thot thred ...err skullery jeernul , weer not all me doin' but unsolissyted mateeryul frum me peers .

But oi sweer that me oan resipees be originul ove me oan crayshun .
This oi sweer ta be troo an FSM strike doon Bart if oi be lyin !
An' wen oi be cot lyin' oil give ye leeve ta drop a drunken PoN et me cabin door , oi juss have ta put ep wiff 'er

[Roland Deschain]

Aaaarrrrgggh. Hello, me dear ole ChowMein. Of course ye be welcome to a certificate for thee achievements of ye cookin' thread. Oi'll cook it up fer ye, and it shall be comin' soon ter ye.

[Tigger_the_Wing]

I've already published my thesis on mythology. You can get it in most book stores, listed under King James Version.

Trew, dat. Internashnully re-noun'd, too. Me Number 1 Son ev'n took aaargh soul-suckin' paw-trayte ov it in t'local bookshoppe in Ireland (in t'appro-pirate sekshun, no less! )

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Avast me hearties. I've been absent from this thread for a while, but I am about to make up the currently outstanding (as in remaining, not as in excellent...) diplomas. Currently outstanding are the following:-

David H - Correspondences between French and certain human languages

Cap'n Tedward - Mythological Characters and Their Crazy Adventures In Ultra-Hedonism and Genocide

Auntie Blackbeard - Pending design choice and thesis title choice (only current suggestion is Roy's) <---Not the title!

I now humbly submit my own suggestion fer Auntie's thesis, if it please ya:-

Inter-Pirate relationships and their inherent problem-solving skills

OOOoooo ! That sowns perfick !

Rolind me dearie , oi dont care wot PoN sez about ye behine yer back but oi be glad ye be a memmer ove arr ombel forrm .

[pieces o'nine]

Oy! Oi nivver sais nuffink ahind Rolands back. Oi sais hit ware 'e can henjoy thee joke wif thee rest ov ye.

Even if Roy or summun else 'as t' *hexplain* hit t'im first, loike...

[Roland Deschain]

Doh! I've not done your certificate yet, Chowmein. Don't worry, i'll get on it tomorrow along with yours, Auntie Blackbeard.

Thanks for the moral support there AB. What 'as PoN been sayin' behind me back? Is it about how nice my behind looks, or is it something more sinister, like "There's Roland, walking away from me again"?

Oy! Oi nivver sais nuffink ahind Rolands back. Oi sais hit ware 'e can henjoy thee joke wif thee rest ov ye.

Even if Roy or summun else 'as t' *hexplain* hit t'im first, loike...

M O O N. That spells

[ChowMein]

Fank ye ye welkum perfesser ,

Oi appreeshate yer efferts .

[Roland Deschain]

Ok, so it's taken me a while, but a little nudging helped get me back on track. Below are the remaining certificates. I have a good idea what my thesis is going to be about, I just need to do a little more research before writing it in full.

Auntie Blackbeard


ChowMein

[pieces o'nine]

Arrrgh, ye've done well by these Sir Tiffy Cattes, an we be all perchin on thee hedges ov arrrgh pubbe seats, loike, t'see wot ye come hup wif.

[black bart]

Arr since I framed up me Doctorayte Certifeecut in me cabin I have found that me croo take me more seriouslee loik. I think it must be summat ta do wiv Fengeeshewyee or summat. I has thee certificate up behind me on thee wall so when a croo member comes in to complain (which hoccurrs every two ta three minutes on haverage) I makes sure they can see me doctorayte a hangin behind me...that an I usually has a couple o loaded pistols pointin at em.

[Roland Deschain]

Aaaaarrrrrrrrgggghhhhh, that be good ter hear, Black Bart. Ye need ter be forceful wiv thee tykes on occasion!

I formally present to you all my doctoral thesis for my Pastafarian Philosophy Degree (or PPhD). It took two days to write it once I had the will and the time, and I think you may enjoy it. As it could not be pasted onto the forum, I have uploaded it onto mediafire in a PDF, which was converted from .docx (Word 2010). Feel lucky. I had originally forgotten to switch on the compression settings on my converter program, and it was 76 MB. It is now fortunately only just over 3 MB. Enjoy.

A Study Into Evidence For The FSM: Proof of His Existence Through Both Cosmological and Biological Phenomena

[Roland Deschain]

Top class, Roland! It will take me a while to plough through it all, but a brief skim of it reveals dodgy methodology, cherry-picking evidence, blatant experimenter bias, and just a touch of psychoticism. Excellent work all round!

Thanks, Roy. I had a lot to live up to after you posted your one, not to mention the excellent others, so it was do or die. I wanted to make the Results/Discussion and Conclusion sections longer, but in the spirit of the occasion, felt that it would have betrayed the [dodgy] integrity of the whole.

EDIT: Psychoticism?

[Ravi Oli]

Oim reedin' me seryal box - grippin' literitchure that it be - an' tis sayin' yee ken get any certyfakashun yee wont by postin' in 3 o' thee coopon thingies. Ken yee be hexplaynin' then thee bennyfits o' roitin' a long winded tale fer yer certyfakate wen Oi ken gets wot Oi need fer thee smawl hextra cost o' a stamp??

[Roland Deschain]

Ravi Oli. There are a number of issues with your questions/statement there, which would not have happened if you'd been classically trained, and had written your doctorate. The problems with your method, and the benefits of mine, are:-

• A cereal box is far too high brow for decent certificates.
• The cost is far higher than just a stamp. You have to buy three of the boxes of said cereal, then the added issues of them going out of date before you consume them, and the cost of storage come into play.
• I bet you cannot get a PPhD from them, or maybe not even a doctorate.
• There is no satisfaction in getting certificates without the hard work and due diligence.
• Writing a doctoral thesis helps sharpen the mind.
• My certificates come virtually printed on old paper. It even has discolouration and stipples, for that extra little bit of authenticity.
• My certificate has a genuine solid 9ct gold-plated star on it. Honestly!
• Mine can be delivered to you lickety-split, rather than waiting for the cereal company to send theirs out.
• You can get one of mine by just asking, stating your choice of design, as per the instructions in the OP, and stating what name/research you would like on the front of it (did you miss the whole thing with my loose morals, as per half the certificates i've given out?).

As you can see, the choice is that there is no choice. Mine far outweigh this false competition.

[ChowMein]

Oim reedin' me seryal box - grippin' literitchure that it be - an' tis sayin' yee ken get any certyfakashun yee wont by postin' in 3 o' thee coopon thingies. Ken yee be hexplaynin' then thee bennyfits o' roitin' a long winded tale fer yer certyfakate wen Oi ken gets wot Oi need fer thee smawl hextra cost o' a stamp??

Yarr ! Wot flimsy standarrrrds ye haff !

Oi fink ye haff a disertashun in thee werkin' roight tharr m8 !

BTW Rolling , fank ye fer thee sustiffykits , noaw me mum kant say ove wastid me loife aweighs no moor .